if anyone could do it,

she could!

this is my best friend from middle school! when she requested my friendship on facebook last year, i almost denied it because that wasn't her name when we used to do spice girl videos & buy glitter eye shadow at carolina place but luckily i clicked on her picture! i am so proud of her...she always wanted to be a singer so she moved out to L.A. and she is making it!

p.s. - i give m(on)i(c)a all the credit for my love of fiona apple & awesome girl music overall. :)

congrats to my friend across the country! buy her music! her new cd will be coming out soon too!

one day at a time

my wonderful friend katie gave me a bracelet that i wear everyday - it's simple thin, silver cuff bracelet and on the inside is inscribed "ONE DAY AT A TIME." she gave it to me a few years back when i was looking for a new job (while working at campbell) and i literally wore the thing out - she actually had to bring me a new one this past december for my birthday because i broke the thing in half one day! too many times pulling it off and putting it back on! i also noticed that i am wearing it in every picture of me since then...this bracelet is no joke, it has changed my focus for everyday life!

all that to say, the "one day at a time" concept is something i constantly have to work on (as far as not being overwhelmed is concerned). don't get me wrong, i realize there is a great purpose to having a long-term vision and focus, but for me personally, i want to be able to grasp the truths and harsh realities of the world and be able to move forward with a plan without wasting time being frozen by hurt/worry/upset. the point is, when you have faith in a God that knows the deal, is with you everyday and has perfect timing, you are able to take things one day at a time with good faith (and without scrambling to MAKE things happen).

that being said, there are so many incredible things happening in my life lately...i have truly been overwhelmed to tears a number of times realizing how often i've tried to take the lead in this waltz with the Lord, and end up tripping over my own feet, when all He wants is for me to follow His lead and listen for/feel His guidance and follow.
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i was telling someone the other day that it's surreal and very humbling when you come to those moments in your life where it is (again) confirmed that God is sovereign and He has a plan for your life and that there were no "pointless" moments that He did not at least incorporate into that plan, even if they weren't the preferred route. for the last few years of my life, i've felt often that i am spinning my wheels and that things were happening that made absolutely no sense in the grand scheme of things (as if i know what that means). i don't think God faults us for our thinking because we are, after all, human but i do think He wants us to allow it to be transformed. He does this slowly and progressively with these moments where He says quietly or very loudly "I have never forgotten about you...it's just not possible...you're my kid!"
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michelle's updates/highlights (ha!):

• i am more than halfway through my "welcome" class at lake forest to become a ministry partner (a.k.a. member) and it has been such an awesome class - i am incredibly impressed with the foundations and purpose of the church, as well as the heart of the staff members i've heard from thus far and i am so excited about getting more involved and building relationships there. the first two weeks, mike talked about core concepts of Christianity & "who we are to God" and it was such a good reminder of simple Biblical truths that you overanalyze and make complicated when you've grown up in the church.
• i have also had the opportunity very recently to get involved with SIM, a missions organization with the US headquarters here in charlotte. it honestly makes me antsy to get my hands in there full force and work with them on all the different projects they have going on, so i am working on being patient! :) the people there are great and i am so looking forward to seeing what develops of that relationship!
• charlotteONE is one of the most inspiring, energetic organizations i've ever been a part of and i'm thankful i got into it this year - randomly enough, on the first week of my class at lake forest, dave hickman walked in the door (he's the ED of C1), so of course i intro'd myself to him and since then, have had the opportunity come up to work with the leadership team as the connections team lead. i am SO excited about the opportunity - it was an immediate "yes" reaction from me because of how much i believe this ministry is doing in the city of charlotte. if you live in charlotte & you haven't tried C1 yet, please let me know if you want to! i'll meet you outside on the steps! ;)
• i saw amos lee on tuesday. he was absolutely amaaaazing! beautiful pipes. (really, did i just say that?)
• my little girl is graduating on saturday!!!! haha....the one & only justine is graduating on saturday from campbell & i'm so every excited she has saved a "family ticket" for me to attend her graduation. she was a freshman during my senior year at campbell and i have seen her grow up, mature & come to know the Lord in a BIG way since then. happy graduation little mama!
• oh, if you haven't seen this video, get on it! (i hope it's as funny to you as it was to me...i actually cry-laughed.) "kittens inspired by kittens"
• i get to go to raleigh tomorrow and spend some time with me-linda!

more things to talk about soon but for now, that is all! oh, i've also added the link to donald miller's blog on my "amigos" column on the right - i debated on placement for the link, but i'm fairly certain that if i met donald miller, we would want to be friends, so i'm gonna go ahead and graduate him to "amigo" status!

~~~

be Thou my Wisdom & Thou my true Word; i ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father & i Thy true son; Thou in me dwelling, and i with Thee one.

follow around a cutie...

...you get cute pictures!

here are some of the adorable photos from the shoot with the weir's last weekend...get more here!

adele

quite possibly one of my favorite voices.

goodnight :)

caleb, adrienne & ben!

tomorrow i get to spend some time with these wonderful people, taking some photos for them to use in their overseas missions work!

i will share later, but if you're interested, please keep up with their efforts here! they are incredible people and i was blessed to have adrienne in my life in college...i will update on monday with pictures of their beautiful faces!

me, val, adrienne, ashley & linds,

back in the good 'ol days in bryan hall...

watchin' the bachelorette,

making panthers superbowl shirts,

(obviously) making aprons & cooking for the girls,

saving the ladies from the lawn mower men in bryan beach!

GOOD times!

bracketology update, day 1

i'm currently #1 in my office bracket.

14 of 16!

okay, that's all. :)

if this doesn't make your day,

i don't know what will.

ALWAYS a good musical morning in the cube a la michelle.

photog

lookie here!

if you have anything coming up and would like some photos, let me know!

CU students graduating this spring, i can take some of you too since i'll be there!

as different as night & day (hmm...?!?)

1 peter 3:1-7

"wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.

instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

for this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. they were submissive to their own husbands, like sarah, who obeyed abraham and called him her master. you are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
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i need your wisdom on this, friends! let's get a little discussion started here. aaaaand, GO!

baby steps

last night i heard david johnson speak - he is the founder of "silent images," a nonprofit specializing in documentary photography to speak for those around the world.

it makes me very restless, antsy & (honestly) impatient when i hear someone speak and it is very clear that God has shown them their purpose in life and that they are right there in the middle of it. i don't think that i can really "do" anything to "find" my purpose in life and i know that God will reveal this to me at some point; i am confident in that. in the meantime, i do feel very strongly that i need to explore some of the things that "set my heart on fire" if you will...things that make passion well up inside of me...obviously these could definitely be things that, when explored, lead to the revelation of purpose.

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my cousin jamie has been in southern sudan since april 2008 (almost a whole year!) serving mainly in rumbek and living amongst the dinka people. i realized last night how uneducated i am about this part of the world (to include darfur) besides what jamie sends in her emails each month or so...so i am committing to learning and studying more about africa in general, but specifically sudan over the next year as my cousin dedicates her time and efforts to the people there.

if anyone has interest in learning more about jamie and her team, receiving their emails, reading their blog or even sponsoring them in any capacity, please let me know! also, here is a video highlighting the women that jamie works with everyday.

please pray for jamie & her team!

jamie, paul & whitney (her teammate)

picture THIS

i am really, really antsy to get a photog business started...but there is so much patience required for me to get there!!

next week i have a shoot with melissa & tony at the beach so i'm excited about that & interested to see how it turns out!

but i need to buy an SLR, a new computer & photoshop in order to really start things up so i have to pray for patience everyday!

eek, it would be so much fun!

any advice/comments/suggestions/criticism is welcomed!

my dad's already trash talk-emailing the family about the game tonight...

so i sent him this:

we are family?

interesting thoughts i've read lately on the effects of "the family" and the way our political system works.

"capitalism thrives from the breakdown of the family"
...a.k.a. spending is out of control when people/lives are out of control...i think that's basically what this concept comes down to at it's simplest level

thoughts on this? i'm currently trying to begin to wrap my mind around how far this might go, but i'd like some of your thoughts on whether the government and the economy thrive, recede or stay the same as the concept of "family" becomes less and less stable in America.

we're not gonna' pay....

i'm going to see RENT on saturday & these two are in it...i can't WAIT!

"measure your life in love"

H is for Happy Birthday MELINDA!!!!!

i really wanted to get this mouse pad for melinda for her birthday:



or this one:but alas, my creative thoughts came too late, as in yesterday.


melinda, maybe one day, this will appear as a random gift at your door, or at your wedding or even on your desk. you never know what i'm going to do! but i did want you to know that this was my best idea, and that you are getting the second best idea as your real gift this weekend. and for that, i am sorry.


but happy birthday to my wonderful, beautiful friend melinda! (even though it is next thursday) there are days of celebration to come...

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/597/story/467122.html
look like tony almeida is taking over the air space here in charlotte! i hope that means jack bauer will be showing up here shortly.

it's not like He doesn't know already.

i'm tired.

of a lot of things.

but most of all, i am tired of pretending that i am okay with everything all the time, and that God doesn't know how crazy i really am inside my head.

...that i can't control my life.
...that it doesn't look like i want it to look.
...that i'm not where i thought i would be at 25.
....that i don't know what the point of everyday is.
...that i really try to do what God wants me to do and yet still find myself wondering what the point is half the time.
...that i don't yet have a clue where God wants me to fall into place in this whole "career" thing.
...that i am constantly wrestling with God over the romantic relationship aspect of my life and i realize more and more than frankly, i have very little faith and trust that God has a plan for me that involves joy and love.

these things break my heart, they literally break my heart. so much that i weep fairly often these days.

i have been having a tough time lately and trying to continue on the path even though i don't see any fruits. i find myself upset every night when i go to bed and waking up to the same feeling...and looking in the mirror at a person who probably wrestled herself all through the night and feels like she didn't sleep at all.
_______________________

i realized last night that i have an extremely hard time living in the present.

logically, it's the only place to be! emotionally, it's extremely hard and i think this is probably prevalent in female minds. i think about the past and the future all the time when making decisions. i find myself nostalgic for things of the past, hopeful that the future will look just like those times in my life and then i try to fit those pieces (and sometimes people) into my immediate life. this just isn't a realistic way to think about life! and yet, i find it so difficult to control my thoughts (which, in these cases, are mostly driven by emotion). and thus, these thoughts about my life weigh so heavily on my heart and in my mind that i find myself paralyzed, feeling lifeless and worthless (not in a lack of self-esteem way, but in the way that i feel like i am not doing anything positive because i'm so bogged down in my own head).




i write these things not for sympathy, i really don't. i know that i will get through this part of my life and i DO know that God is faithful. i also realize that the reason it's hard for me to trust God is that i (sadly) seem to think that His plan is not the best for me. i hate even admitting to that, but it's simply the truth sometimes.

the real reason i write this is because i'm fairly certain you can relate, at least on some level. i thought today "if i write this, i will probably read it in a week and think it's stupid and dramatic" but i reminded myself that i write to capture different times in my life when i'm in the thick of things. i also write so that, when i do come out of this valley, i will see God's faithfulness more clearly and that you will be able to see it too.

i also just want to be a real person. i am not a spiritual giant and i by no means have it altogether. i am as weak and crazy as they come. so, there you go, a little dose of michelle for the day. i could change my tune overnight and i wouldn't be surprised, but i wanted you to know where i am today....presently.

dreary

the weather is fitting for my office today.

a chill in the air

as i walk out the door to go to work this morning, the crisp air hits my face & i am reminded that seasons change.

i am bustling out the door in a sweater, skirt, tights, boots, coat and scarf....how much more can a girl put on to protect herself from the drastic change in weather?? not enough, clearly. it seeps straight through.

i am freezing...and annoyed...and my joints are achy...and i am reminded that change isn't fun. sure, after awhile you get used to it when you get into the routine, but it's generally not something that feels good in the beginning or sometimes even in the middle.




personal life change is lonely.

i tend to feel like i'm all alone in the things that i experience because
a) i don't have the 24/7 in-your-face support of an incredible friend chain that i used to,
b) i don't have anyone in my life to fill the "more than friend" aspect that hugely helps in day-to-day life and
c) i am a lot weaker than i seem when it comes to depending on God as a support. i know that He is there, but it's very hard for me to feel His presence each and every minute. (and for this emo, feeling girl, that is a difficult absense of "feeling" to overcome)
__________________________

i just found out that i owe a good amount of money for medical bills that i did not anticipate. i won't even begin to go into the politics of all that, but i will say this: i wish there were people, or a specific person, in my life that i could share that with who cared enough about me to simply be my cheerleader as i get through the tough times that are ahead as i figure out how that is going to add to my bills each month and how that will significantly reduce the fun in my life.

i realized a few weeks ago (late, i know) that i need to start being honest about the fact that i am not self-sufficient. i am lacking in my life right now because i was made for close relationships and unfortunately, i've not found too many yet. there are a few on the cusp that i am going to definitely invest more time in and hopefully grow them, and i am incredibly thankful for my community group and how we've all grown together over the past year and i see those relationships deepening each day.

i am moving into a townhouse in a few weeks with lauren (from my small group) and i think that will probably be the best choice i've made in awhile. coming home with someone to talk to will change my life for the better, no doubt.
__________________________

all in all, there are quite a few changes that i can foresee in the coming months. most will be uncomfortable, hard to get used to, not exactly what i would have wanted. but at the same time, these are the changes that will be the foundation for growth and ultimately produce goodness and plenty. i just need to collect my manna one day at a time.

but in the meantime, i sure am freezing.

also in today's news,

this morning's "good morning office" song was "son of a preacher man"

sing along with me.....

"the only one who could ever reach me,
was the song of a preacher man..."

solo (as usual) by amy, whose wedding i'm going to be in! just found out this week! exciiiiting!