my life is out of control right now, in the sense that i am not IN control of anything. i think that's a good thing, and the way it's supposed to be right now, but i'm not gonna' lie, it scares me to death.
i'm used to being in control of most things in life and semi- knowing what lies ahead for me. right now? not so much.
there's so much that i could say about it, but basically, i just feel like i have no idea where i'm headed in any area of my life and i have to totally trust that God is leading me in the right direction regardless of myself. i feel like i'm just blindly handing it all over and that's really hard.
i definitely think i'm supposed to be learning trust and patience right now. trust in God and in man...patience, as in not scrambling to put my own life together for fear that i'm WAY behind everyone else and letting God have control of those areas of my life that i struggle to have faith in.
with Christmas just around the corner, this is very hard for me because it brings an uneasy feeling to a season where i would normally feel completely "whole" and warm and fuzzy. but i am learning a lot and this Christmas could just be the most real i've experienced thus far.
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3 comments:
Thinking about you Sunshine!
Yeah I have been feeling out of control myself... maybe they should tell us that as we graduate! that we will no longer feel in control of ourselves.
good to see you this past weekend!
ashley stephenson
I don't know why I thought I was alone in feeling the same way you do. So many of us recent grads have been feeling the same way. I am a control freak anyway, so it has been a challenge for me to completely trust in the Lord, but what peace we receive when we learn to lean on Him. I can totally relate!!!
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