FINALLY!

YESSSSSS!!!!

Thank you Sarah McLaughlin.
(watch the "World on Fire" video)

YESSSSSSSSS!

tears of joy tonight for the Red Sox.....



and congratulations to Bernie and his grandfather. :)

weaknesses and struggles...

i'm feeling inspired to post the story i wrote on here for others to read. hopefully someone can relate to this and maybe even someone needs to hear this, b/c i know i did...let me know if you have any insights or want to talk about it.... (keep in mind this is for a high school chicken soup book...that's why it's kind of corny) :)

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
(2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

At first glance, I might seem like your typical college junior: trying to find my place in life and in the real world, wondering what my life will be like after graduation and how to get there. In my short lifetime, I have been told repeatedly to figure out what I’m good at, because only then will I be able to start determining what I should do with my life. I have been taught by countless teachers, counselors, and friends to look for my strengths, and most would say I’ve been pretty successful in finding those and using them accordingly.

Many times in life and growing up we, as students, are taught to be strong, to be leaders and not followers, and especially here in America, to be self-sufficient and independent, no matter what it takes.

Even though I have found many strengths within myself to use in different areas of my life, it has still been a constant struggle to be totally independent and I have found that no matter how much I act like I don’t need anyone else, inside I am longing for and needing someone to pick me up when I fall and to fill in for my many weaknesses. God has taught me that compared to His insurmountable strength, every quality that I have is actually a weakness. That is why Paul says in Corinthians that he delights in his weaknesses, so that Christ’s power can “rest on him.” He even goes as far as to “boast” about his weaknesses, so that other people can know that he is incapable of doing things on his own and using his personal qualities.

After coming to this understanding of God, I realized that I have been given a daily reminder of my own weakness. Every morning when I wake up and place my feet on the ground, I am reminded that I cannot make it through the day without God’s help and strength.

You see, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was 18 months old. This was very uncommon at the time, and still is at that young age. Due to the uniqueness of the situation, there was really no medication for the pain, so I was taking 24 baby aspirin per day, which eventually led to a medication-induced coma that turned into Reye’s Syndrome. Praise God I was only in a coma for one day and was rescued from that. There are so many things I could say about this time in my life: I went on numerous medications and was in a wheelchair because I was unable to walk. My dad had to do therapy with me daily where I cried and screamed from the pain. The doctors told my parents that I may never walk.

The point is that my parents did not put their trust in the doctors. And they definitely didn’t put their trust in themselves, as they probably were feeling very helpless in this situation. All they could do at that point was trust in God and believe that through our extreme helplessness and weakness, His glory would be shown.

I am that weakness. Although I did not recognize that until 20 years after my diagnosis, God has been working through me anyway. Of course, there have been hard times in my life, just like anyone else’s, but I now realize that I should boast about my weaknesses, for it is in those weaknesses that Christ’s glory, power, and strength is shown.

I am one big weakness, and for that very reason, God wants to use me, just like He wants to use you.

manic monday.

i finally wrote my story to send in to "chicken soup for the soul" today. it wasn't about hope, which is what i was planning on. i just didn't have enough information to do what i wanted to. but i wrote about weakness, which is something that's really been on my mind and happens to be related to everything i'm learning lately, so i figured i could write about that since i'm one big weakness. so maybe they'll like it and publish it....who knows. i'll keep you updated though.

i also had a research test today which i was somewhat worried about, but i think i did pretty well. so "yahoo" for that.

i hope YOU'RE having a happy monday. :)

oh what a night

top ten things that made me happy on this friday night:

1) dinner with old, but faithful, friends nathanael, matt oak, & morgan

2) starbucks tall mocha and vanilla pound cake

3) rick & mike told us about how they cry at movies quite frequently

4) seeing tiffany, even if it was for about 20 minutes on the sidewalk at starbucks

5) mike playing his harmonica while driving down franklin street beside us

6) i found out about new thrift shops

7) listening to jeanna's 80's cd while katie and jana did the "80's snap" in the back seat

8) finding out jeanna owns the soul decision cd with the hit song "faded"

9) "i wanna dance with somebody" by whitney houston

10) and, we discussed what might just be this year's halloween costume: we love the 80's!

http://www.eightyeightynine.com/culture/legwarmers.html

ahhhh, yes, the leg warmers. :)

revelations

i am overwhelmed with God's details and intricate plans in and for our lives.

for example, this weekend i was thinking about going to billy's in edenton for his show with jeff and katie beck and others. i was pretty excited about that prospect, but i really didn't want to go if kt didn't go, b/c i didn't want to end up being the only girl.

katie wasn't sure if she would be able to go yet, and yesterday found out that she couldn't go, which was a pretty big bummer to her. so i decided not to go, but to hang out around here for the weekend and help some with parent's weekend.

this morning, lindsay's grandmother passed away. she is now getting everything together to go home this weekend and doesn't know when she'll be back. so she and nick are headed out a.s.a.p.

since it's parent's weekend, lindsay had a lot of things that she needed to be here for, and so did nick. but, hey, i'll be here this weekend, so i've got it all taken care of so they don't have to worry and can go home and be with the family.

so i'll be finishing up the hall banner and getting people to help work at the CIA booth tomorrow, and probably leading CIA on sunday night.

thank you God for putting me in the right place at the right time. how amazing are the little things in life where God shows Himself?

please be in prayer for lindsay and her family.

"PRAISE be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 cor. 1:3-4)

catharsis

I'm such a girl.

tears just streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks when the Red Sox won game 7. and i'm not even a true sox fan!! i was definitely pulling for them, but that's really only because they were the underdog, and because when i roomed with jodi, she told me a lot about the Sox and i grew to like them. so i was pretty excited they made it this far. but i've really gotta' stop this frequent crying stuff.

actually, on second thought, i don't know that i really do want to stop it. i have noticed that ever since i quit entertainment last fall, i have become a much more sensitive and emotional person. i think i was already emotional, but not in a good way. i really do cry at everything, though. examples? lots of Oprah episodes, songs on the radio, when i hear about people's prayers being answered, when i think about people's struggles, just to name a few. but i was thinking about it the other day and decided that i should pray that God continues to soften my heart, because i think i should see this as a good sign that i am personally touched by so many things. so it is with a change of heart that i say i want to keep crying. it shows you have a heart. just remember that girls: crying is great!

other than that, this bad day has become a pretty good one. i decided to dress up today and make myself feel better, and ever since then little things have made me happier and happier. so, i think i'll write about Hope some now, then head to bed.

i would like to give a BIG shout-out to Bernie Derosiers: Boston native, born a Boston fan, and will definitely die a Boston fan. congratulations, bernie. thanks for all of your dedication and relentless support. :)

and with that, i say goodnight!

it's been a hard day's night

wow...it's wednesday at 9:59am and it's already been a long, hard day.

the beginning of my day was great - i woke up and went to the 7am prayer meeting in the student center, which is always a great refresher on wednesday mornings, since you're at the point in your week where you are in definite need of encouragement. then i ate breakfast with kt, linds, nick, and melinda, and it's always nice to hang out with those wonderful people.

then i proceeded to drive to walmart to get my prescription, which finally got called in yesterday, which was an ordeal in itself. i got there too early this morning, only to find out that the pharmacy doesn't open until 9am, so i walked around the store, collecting a few things i have been needing. i went back to the pharmacy at 9, waited a few mintues, then when they opened, found out they were having computer troubles and couldn't give out prescriptions. they also didn't know how long this would take, so i had to come back to school since it was looking good for getting out of there anytime before i have to teach water aerobics at 11:00. i also had to leave behind the items i shopped for, b/c i don't exactly know how much my medicine will cost with the insurance amount taken off, since the actual cost is a whopping $97 and some cents....yes.....unreal, i know. oh, the wonderful life of healthcare.

i came back feeling pretty down b/c my joints are really aching for that medicine, but i thought "hmm, maybe my check finally came in the mail today...that would really cheer me up" so i stopped at the post office, only to recieve a notice from a collections agency in California telling me i owe the Santa Cruz county library system $60-some dollars for a missing book and late fees.....needless to say, my boss is returning the book for me since it's still in the house i stayed in this summer. i mean, it's totally all my fault, but there's not even a contact number on the notice or on my library card so that i can get in touch with anyone there and straighten this out so i can find out what i really owe after the book is returned. i even called 411, and they had nothing.

soooo, it's been a pretty loooong morning and i haven't even started classes yet.

the point of all this is, please pray for me this week at some point. i have two huge midterms on Friday and i would really like to write a story about Hope Stout for the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series...it's a long story, but it's a great opportunity. and of course, i have way too much to do in 3 days. i know it will all get done, but all of this added to my thoughts right now is just a lot to handle, especially when i'm feeling so badly. don't feel sorry for me, b/c i bring lots of it on myself, but please do pray for me. thanks!

my cup overfloweth

well, i was inspired last night to start this up again when i saw that my good friend Bracken at home had created her own blog. however, i decided to start totally over because i think that has been the theme of my life for this year already. i am trying as best i can to let myself be changed in every circumstance. and that is that.

there is absolutely no way that i could even begin to express all the things that God has already taught me this year, so i'm not even going to try that. i'll just try to hit some of the high points, and i'm sure that all of it will come up in the future, especially since it's all really interconnected anyway.

the most important thing that i have learned in the past semester is that the process of truly letting Christ be the center of your life is really reprogramming everything about your human nature. as sinful creatures, the way we think is innately sinful, and therefore we must purge ourselves of everything that we already think and "let our minds be transformed." basically, we have been brainwashed by the world. what an amazing thing to recognize.

and as any good therapist would say, "the first step to recovery is recognizing you have a problem."

with that said, i will tell you about my day today.

this morning, i had the opportunity to see ginny owens in concert during CUW. she's definitely not your typical Christian artist, but especially because she has been blind since the ago of 2. she has always been one of my very favorite artists, because her songs are very specific to different periods in her life, and therefore to mine as well. one of my favorite songs is called "free" which goes a little something like this:

"turning molehills into mountains, making big deals out of small ones,

bearing gifts as if they're burdens, this is how it's been.

fear of coming out of my shell, too many things i can't do too well,

'fraid i'll try real hard and i'll fail, this is how it's been.

'till the day You pounded on my heart's door,

and You shouted joyfully,"You're not a slave anymore."

(just wanted to share that because i love it & she played it today)

what is really interesting is that just yesterday, i read John 9:1-3 which says,

"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him,

'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'

'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus,

'but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.' "

it was really cool that i read that yesterday, because God was able to illustrate that to me today through ginny's ministry. and after the concert kt beck, melanie, and i took a picture with her and i also got a chance to sit down and tell ginny how God used her to illustrate that verse to me and how much that meant to me, especially since there are many times when i myself wonder if there is a purpose to my own disability. in fact, here's a picture of ginny and i talking:



i have learned this year that so many times, we pray without expecting answers, and especially without looking for those answers. all you have to do is pray for God to reveal Himself to you through everything you do on a daily basis and then keep your eyes open -- it can seriously be so overwhelming at times, but such an incredible blessing. on a daily basis, i find myself in tears with the overwhelming sense of God even in small parts of my day. what a different way to experience "normal, everday" life....life abundantly.

lindsay, julie, and i went to a women's event tonight at Grace where Lysa TurKeurst spoke. she's the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, which i found out tonight, is actually a ministry out of the town i live in!! i hear it on the radio all the time, but i wasn't aware it was right down the road. it was so awesome to hear the stories she told and the insight she had from her experiences. i even discovered some really cool opportunities i might have in this ministry. i can't even begin to explain it all tonight, but don't worry friends, i will at some point. :)

anyway, i guess that's a pretty long opening to my new blog, but i'm glad i will be able to get all my thoughts out again and hopefully get some feedback too, because i always enjoy learn a lot from other people's insights.

anyway, happy fall break everyone!!