is bittersweet.
things definitely aren't the same, but i'm honestly thankful for that.
tonight i had coffee with claire and ben. claire has been my friend ever since the 6th grade when i was invited to her bowling party...ahh, the memories. we've never had big disagreements and i've never ever wondered where her heart is or what she's all about. i am so thankful for that. i really appreciate that about her. total honesty about her life and everything that goes on in it.
i hate to say it, but oftentimes when people are talking to me, i wonder what they're not telling me. i know i just shouldn't worry about it, but i hate to think that people edit what they say to me. that's probably because i know it's partially my fault b/c of my overreactions to things in the past and the fact that i talked down upon things that people did. the thing is, i don't know what to do about it. all i know is that i'm trying to just listen to people and hope that eventually they will realize that i'm really no different than they are.
anyway, i'm going to bed now b/c i'm working at camp all day tomorrow. it's been nice to be home, but i'm about ready to be back at school. i miss my roommate, i miss melinda, i miss jeanna, i miss bff, the girls in my cell group, sheather... i miss everyone. so there's my emotional release for the night. we talked about writing a lot tonight at caribou-yah and it reminded me of catharsis. and there you have it...what's been on my mind in the past couple hours.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Monday, December 13, 2004
well, i've been home for Christmas for about 37 hours
and it seems like so much has happened.
there's no way i can even begin to describe all that has happened to me, even since yesterday, but be assured it's all good. yesterday when i got home (and was a zombie....i don't think i've been that tired in a loooong time) i went to a women's Christmas tea thing with my mom at calvary...
anyway, when i got home, there was a card on my dresser from a charlotte address. i opened it and there was a note from a woman who evidently attends calvary who had seen my journal entry of the story i wrote for chicken soup and she was telling me how much it meant to her...so that was pretty random and unexpected, but very nice.
then i went to the Christmas tea and the speaker was a 60-something year-old woman named daisy hepburn who was just a wonderful speaker. her talk was entitled "have a mary, mary, mary Christmas" and she used mary and martha, mary magdalene, and Jesus' mother mary to illustrate how women can relate their stories to their own Christmases. it was a really great lesson altogether and i realized that on the table close to the door, she also had books for sale that she also referenced many times in her talk.
about mid-way through her talk, i really felt that God was telling me the only way to get into speaking is to write. i really haven't felt that sure of anything since all that happened to me at big break in the spring, so i was really, really glad to have that feeling. and right after the program, my mom and i got up and she saw a friend at the table behind us. when my mom introduced us, the lady said "is this the one who wrote that story?" and she went on to tell me how my chicken soup story really encouraged her and spoke to her.
the thing is, it took me until last night when i was telling jeff about all this to realize that God was both preparing me (with the mail letter) and confirming me (with the lady at the table behind me) for before and after He spoke to me. how incredible is that?!
so, my mind has really been consumed with that since yesterday and i have been praying for inspiration to write. tonight i went to barnes and noble and bought a new journal to start this writing in, and i wrote down exactly what happened and the few ideas i do have already. now i just plan to write stream of conciousness-ly and see what happens. i do know that i'm going to write about my life and what God has taught me, because that's really the only thing i know enough about! so we'll see, but i really think it's what i'm supposed to be doing right now.
i'm also very excited, because i found out last week that i might be going to a media conference in new york at columbia university in march ,with jeanna and will (through yearbook staff), and i was thinking about it today and realized that they are also offering writing classes, which fits in with this really nicely. also, i had already planned on attending the proverbs 31 writers and spearkers conference in august in charlotte (actually only for the speaking part, but sounds like plans have changed...). that also fits in nicely since the writers part of the conference is basically meeting with publishers and editors. wow.
so that's that. there is so much more that has gone on, but i'm so tired and need to get some rest. anyway, just wanted to get this on here because i'm very excited about it.
oh, and one more thing: i also find it interesting that for the past couple months i have literally told people "i think i might go speaking, but not writing, because my hands are too bad and i just don't want to write." and my chicken soup story was about how God uses my weaknesses.
in the words of melinda, "silly, silly me." :)
OH! and have fun in nyc, melinda, heather, shannon, rick, mike, brandon, and drew. i've never been more jealous and happy at the same time!
there's no way i can even begin to describe all that has happened to me, even since yesterday, but be assured it's all good. yesterday when i got home (and was a zombie....i don't think i've been that tired in a loooong time) i went to a women's Christmas tea thing with my mom at calvary...
anyway, when i got home, there was a card on my dresser from a charlotte address. i opened it and there was a note from a woman who evidently attends calvary who had seen my journal entry of the story i wrote for chicken soup and she was telling me how much it meant to her...so that was pretty random and unexpected, but very nice.
then i went to the Christmas tea and the speaker was a 60-something year-old woman named daisy hepburn who was just a wonderful speaker. her talk was entitled "have a mary, mary, mary Christmas" and she used mary and martha, mary magdalene, and Jesus' mother mary to illustrate how women can relate their stories to their own Christmases. it was a really great lesson altogether and i realized that on the table close to the door, she also had books for sale that she also referenced many times in her talk.
about mid-way through her talk, i really felt that God was telling me the only way to get into speaking is to write. i really haven't felt that sure of anything since all that happened to me at big break in the spring, so i was really, really glad to have that feeling. and right after the program, my mom and i got up and she saw a friend at the table behind us. when my mom introduced us, the lady said "is this the one who wrote that story?" and she went on to tell me how my chicken soup story really encouraged her and spoke to her.
the thing is, it took me until last night when i was telling jeff about all this to realize that God was both preparing me (with the mail letter) and confirming me (with the lady at the table behind me) for before and after He spoke to me. how incredible is that?!
so, my mind has really been consumed with that since yesterday and i have been praying for inspiration to write. tonight i went to barnes and noble and bought a new journal to start this writing in, and i wrote down exactly what happened and the few ideas i do have already. now i just plan to write stream of conciousness-ly and see what happens. i do know that i'm going to write about my life and what God has taught me, because that's really the only thing i know enough about! so we'll see, but i really think it's what i'm supposed to be doing right now.
i'm also very excited, because i found out last week that i might be going to a media conference in new york at columbia university in march ,with jeanna and will (through yearbook staff), and i was thinking about it today and realized that they are also offering writing classes, which fits in with this really nicely. also, i had already planned on attending the proverbs 31 writers and spearkers conference in august in charlotte (actually only for the speaking part, but sounds like plans have changed...). that also fits in nicely since the writers part of the conference is basically meeting with publishers and editors. wow.
so that's that. there is so much more that has gone on, but i'm so tired and need to get some rest. anyway, just wanted to get this on here because i'm very excited about it.
oh, and one more thing: i also find it interesting that for the past couple months i have literally told people "i think i might go speaking, but not writing, because my hands are too bad and i just don't want to write." and my chicken soup story was about how God uses my weaknesses.
in the words of melinda, "silly, silly me." :)
OH! and have fun in nyc, melinda, heather, shannon, rick, mike, brandon, and drew. i've never been more jealous and happy at the same time!
Monday, December 06, 2004
Sunday, December 05, 2004
o Holy night
i am really trying to understand more of the songs i am singing at Christmas this year and i am so taken aback with this one; it's just so true and i'm so thankful.
"o Holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
it is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
fall, on your knees! o hear the angel voices!
o night divine! o night when Christ was born!"
"o Holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
it is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
fall, on your knees! o hear the angel voices!
o night divine! o night when Christ was born!"
Saturday, December 04, 2004
oh what a night
well, tonight we went out for my birthday, all 20 of us, and what a time we had.
first we went to applebee's, where we were informed that it would be 30 minutes, then another 30 minutes, then found out that really, the manager had simply decided to cancel our reservation without telling us. so we called around cary, then decided on going to sweet tomatoes for dinner. it was a good choice and i think everyone really enjoyed it, so it didn't turn out too bad. fun was had for all, and the food was really great (at least mine was).
then we headed over to barnes and noble, where everyone looked around at books and some had coffee. it was nice just to hang out b/c it's definitely been a looong week. i'm actually looking forward to this week though...i don't really mind exam week. there's lots of time to chill out and i would rather be taking exams then writing papers and doing busywork, but that might just be me.
the highlights of the night?
- my wonderful friends who all came out to eat. like i said, it really didn't matter where we ate anyway, b/c having everyone there was really the point.
- the fact that those friends sang Christmas carols while waiting at applebee's and "welcomed" people to the restaurant as they came in.
- betty held a lighter over a piece of chocolate cake as a candle.
- i got to wear my new Christmas earrings, which made me happy!
- the bff (kt beck, in case anyone doesn't know that by now) gave me loveactually for my birthday. she actually brought it by this afternoon b/c she couldn't wait any longer. :)
- and matt oakley gave me my present also; something unmentionable under my campbell contract, but man, the simple fact that oakley bought it makes it 500x better. i almost cried with laughter....
so it was a great time. thanks to everyone who came out to dinner...i really appreciated your company and i love you all :)
first we went to applebee's, where we were informed that it would be 30 minutes, then another 30 minutes, then found out that really, the manager had simply decided to cancel our reservation without telling us. so we called around cary, then decided on going to sweet tomatoes for dinner. it was a good choice and i think everyone really enjoyed it, so it didn't turn out too bad. fun was had for all, and the food was really great (at least mine was).
then we headed over to barnes and noble, where everyone looked around at books and some had coffee. it was nice just to hang out b/c it's definitely been a looong week. i'm actually looking forward to this week though...i don't really mind exam week. there's lots of time to chill out and i would rather be taking exams then writing papers and doing busywork, but that might just be me.
the highlights of the night?
- my wonderful friends who all came out to eat. like i said, it really didn't matter where we ate anyway, b/c having everyone there was really the point.
- the fact that those friends sang Christmas carols while waiting at applebee's and "welcomed" people to the restaurant as they came in.
- betty held a lighter over a piece of chocolate cake as a candle.
- i got to wear my new Christmas earrings, which made me happy!
- the bff (kt beck, in case anyone doesn't know that by now) gave me loveactually for my birthday. she actually brought it by this afternoon b/c she couldn't wait any longer. :)
- and matt oakley gave me my present also; something unmentionable under my campbell contract, but man, the simple fact that oakley bought it makes it 500x better. i almost cried with laughter....
so it was a great time. thanks to everyone who came out to dinner...i really appreciated your company and i love you all :)
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Well, it's officially Thanksgiving...
on this Thanksgiving at 1am, i am truly thankful for a lot.
to keep my tradition of lists that i like so much, here are just a few of the highlights:
~ God. this may sound like an easy answer, but even though i am barely beginning to understand just how thankful i should be, i am already overwhelmed.
~ coming back home to a family who is really happy that you're home
~ a school where i can learn and grow without being surrounded by blatent discouragement
~ an amazing boyfriend who teaches me everyday about seeking God with each step you take
~ wonderful friends, especially my encouraging, supportive, strong roommate
~ treatments and developments for arthritis....really.
and in keeping with the quote i put up about being thankful for little things, here are a few:
~ tonight. i had such a good time with old high school friends having dinner and hanging out at dozier's house...in the past, this has been somewhat awkward, but tonight was really so much fun and i had a darn good time playing knock-out. (and happy birthday to dozier, by the way)
~ friends like ben and aj, who make my face hurt by keeping me laughing for literally hours.
~ fall. as i was coming down my driveway this afternoon, it was beautiful.
~ starbucks in the fall/wintertime. yes, this is definitely small, but boy am i thankful.
~ movies that make me cry, because they teach me more about myself
anyways, i think that's all i can think of -- i'm pretty drained from writing my research paper for the past few days, then sleeping few hours and driving home. wow. time for bed!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! i am thankful that you're reading this :)
to keep my tradition of lists that i like so much, here are just a few of the highlights:
~ God. this may sound like an easy answer, but even though i am barely beginning to understand just how thankful i should be, i am already overwhelmed.
~ coming back home to a family who is really happy that you're home
~ a school where i can learn and grow without being surrounded by blatent discouragement
~ an amazing boyfriend who teaches me everyday about seeking God with each step you take
~ wonderful friends, especially my encouraging, supportive, strong roommate
~ treatments and developments for arthritis....really.
and in keeping with the quote i put up about being thankful for little things, here are a few:
~ tonight. i had such a good time with old high school friends having dinner and hanging out at dozier's house...in the past, this has been somewhat awkward, but tonight was really so much fun and i had a darn good time playing knock-out. (and happy birthday to dozier, by the way)
~ friends like ben and aj, who make my face hurt by keeping me laughing for literally hours.
~ fall. as i was coming down my driveway this afternoon, it was beautiful.
~ starbucks in the fall/wintertime. yes, this is definitely small, but boy am i thankful.
~ movies that make me cry, because they teach me more about myself
anyways, i think that's all i can think of -- i'm pretty drained from writing my research paper for the past few days, then sleeping few hours and driving home. wow. time for bed!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! i am thankful that you're reading this :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
it's chilly and rainy outside
and that pretty much defines my week. (all two days of it...wow, that's bad)
this afternoon, i am thankful for thanksgiving itself.
for time off from school,
for a good family,
for the fact that i even get a thanksgiving meal, and a good one at that,
for time to see old friends,
and time to simply relax.
thinking about this, i can really start to feel better about this rainy week.
this afternoon, i am thankful for thanksgiving itself.
for time off from school,
for a good family,
for the fact that i even get a thanksgiving meal, and a good one at that,
for time to see old friends,
and time to simply relax.
thinking about this, i can really start to feel better about this rainy week.
Monday, November 22, 2004
i don't have much time...
i have a meeting in 10 minutes for my management case study group.
today has been a long, tiring, dull, somewhat crappy day to be quite honest.
my morning didn't start off to well, and my afternoon wasn't much better. on the positive side, pascal told us this morning that we wouldn't be having any more water aerobics classes this semester, so that was nice because it gives me more time in the mornings for work and study, and also lets me take a long shower, which i sure can't complain about.
i am trying to learn how to balance friendships and not get walked on, an interesting concept.
i know that we are supposed to be totally giving, selfless, patient, and kind to everyone, but on days like today, i feel like the only time i'm needed is when i can be of service and that hurts my feelings. i've struggled with this before and tried to figure out if Jesus was walked on, and i guess he definitely was. i know it probably sounds ignorant that i don't know these things, but i am really looking for the right answers.
let me know if you have any insight into this, because it's a pattern in my life, so i know something needs to change.
today has been a long, tiring, dull, somewhat crappy day to be quite honest.
my morning didn't start off to well, and my afternoon wasn't much better. on the positive side, pascal told us this morning that we wouldn't be having any more water aerobics classes this semester, so that was nice because it gives me more time in the mornings for work and study, and also lets me take a long shower, which i sure can't complain about.
i am trying to learn how to balance friendships and not get walked on, an interesting concept.
i know that we are supposed to be totally giving, selfless, patient, and kind to everyone, but on days like today, i feel like the only time i'm needed is when i can be of service and that hurts my feelings. i've struggled with this before and tried to figure out if Jesus was walked on, and i guess he definitely was. i know it probably sounds ignorant that i don't know these things, but i am really looking for the right answers.
let me know if you have any insight into this, because it's a pattern in my life, so i know something needs to change.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
what a long, blurry week it has been....
you know what i mean by blurry? for example, all day on monday i was thinking it was wednesday. that is the start of a blurry week, my friends.
and i guess it didn't really help that jeanna and i stayed up literally all night on tuesday night trying to get as much done as possible for our yearbook deadline on wednesday morning at 8:30. i've never actually pulled an "all-nighter" and i don't think i ever will again, b/c it didn't work out too well for my classes on wednesday....but, hey - it'll be a good yearbook for sure.
it's been a rough week, quite honestly. the end of the semester always does bring rough weeks, since so much is due at one time and you really just can't wait until exam week to get it all over with. but, i'm closer now than i was 5 days ago, so i shouldn't complain. i have a paper to turn in on wednesday and when that's over, although i still have another paper and some small projects, i will feel homefree.
my arthritis is really mad at me right now for 1) stressing myself, 2) using my hand so much and probably 3) staying up all night on tuesday. so it has decided to attack my right hand, which hasn't been done since i was about 7 or 8 years old. so that was a nice addition to the week also. but, i went and got a complete set of new medication yesterday since i was running out of some, and i can feel the difference a little more today in my hand, so that's good news. just keep that in your prayers, b/c you really don't realize how much you use your hands until you really just can't anymore....
but anyway, i'm going to run to the p.o. right now, then probably do some work for awhile this afternoon before meeting jeff tonight in garner. we have to get a wedding present for our friends we worked with in cali this summer, jenn and dan, who are getting married tomorrow in asheboro. :) so, i will be headed to that wedding tomorrow after the terrorist strikes campbell university at 7:30am. (yes, i'm serious...they are staging a national emergency here at campbell tomorrow morning with full emergency response, media - including me, the fbi, some terrorists, and so on...oh, the excitement) so that's the story of this week...i really couldn't go back through what all happened since, like i said before, it's been a blurry week.
but hey, thanksgiving is this week, followed by last week of class, exams/my 21st birthday, home for CHRISTMAS!! i don't mind exams with a line-up like that.
and by the way, if anyone feels the need, they can purchase the new marc broussard cd "carencro" for my birthday. i love this music...wow.
and i want to take dance lessons...something i've decided since last week's cell group outing to "shall we dance." really, something i've always wanted to do, but dang, i don't have much time left. :)
happy thanksgiving :)
and i guess it didn't really help that jeanna and i stayed up literally all night on tuesday night trying to get as much done as possible for our yearbook deadline on wednesday morning at 8:30. i've never actually pulled an "all-nighter" and i don't think i ever will again, b/c it didn't work out too well for my classes on wednesday....but, hey - it'll be a good yearbook for sure.
it's been a rough week, quite honestly. the end of the semester always does bring rough weeks, since so much is due at one time and you really just can't wait until exam week to get it all over with. but, i'm closer now than i was 5 days ago, so i shouldn't complain. i have a paper to turn in on wednesday and when that's over, although i still have another paper and some small projects, i will feel homefree.
my arthritis is really mad at me right now for 1) stressing myself, 2) using my hand so much and probably 3) staying up all night on tuesday. so it has decided to attack my right hand, which hasn't been done since i was about 7 or 8 years old. so that was a nice addition to the week also. but, i went and got a complete set of new medication yesterday since i was running out of some, and i can feel the difference a little more today in my hand, so that's good news. just keep that in your prayers, b/c you really don't realize how much you use your hands until you really just can't anymore....
but anyway, i'm going to run to the p.o. right now, then probably do some work for awhile this afternoon before meeting jeff tonight in garner. we have to get a wedding present for our friends we worked with in cali this summer, jenn and dan, who are getting married tomorrow in asheboro. :) so, i will be headed to that wedding tomorrow after the terrorist strikes campbell university at 7:30am. (yes, i'm serious...they are staging a national emergency here at campbell tomorrow morning with full emergency response, media - including me, the fbi, some terrorists, and so on...oh, the excitement) so that's the story of this week...i really couldn't go back through what all happened since, like i said before, it's been a blurry week.
but hey, thanksgiving is this week, followed by last week of class, exams/my 21st birthday, home for CHRISTMAS!! i don't mind exams with a line-up like that.
and by the way, if anyone feels the need, they can purchase the new marc broussard cd "carencro" for my birthday. i love this music...wow.
and i want to take dance lessons...something i've decided since last week's cell group outing to "shall we dance." really, something i've always wanted to do, but dang, i don't have much time left. :)
happy thanksgiving :)
Monday, November 15, 2004
"dream as if you'll live forever...
...live as if you'll die today." thanks, james dean, for your inspiration from my wall every morning when i wake up.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Boo.
well, i just found out that my pictures don't show up on here. oh well.
in other news, i don't have anything due tomorrow, so i don't know what to do with myself. i think i'll try to start getting ready for exams. (yes, people, i'm serious. i am all about getting some good grades. i am also all about not studying on my 21st birthday, which happens to fell the day before two big exams during exam week.)
yeah, i think i'll do that.
happy tuesday night!
in other news, i don't have anything due tomorrow, so i don't know what to do with myself. i think i'll try to start getting ready for exams. (yes, people, i'm serious. i am all about getting some good grades. i am also all about not studying on my 21st birthday, which happens to fell the day before two big exams during exam week.)
yeah, i think i'll do that.
happy tuesday night!
can't help myself
oooooh, and this one too:
mary, jenn, makayla, and i. this is right after we ran in the absolutely freezing cold ocean in march.
everything about panama city last year makes me smile from ear to ear. :)
mary, jenn, makayla, and i. this is right after we ran in the absolutely freezing cold ocean in march.
everything about panama city last year makes me smile from ear to ear. :)
Monday, November 08, 2004
i should have gone to that time management seminar...
i am so amazed that i'm still awake right now. i slept for about 4.5 hours last night, yet i still sit here on this blog when i could be in bed. buuut, i guess that's college at it's best.
i am really in a great mood tonight. why? i don't know. all i've been working on for the past 24 hours has been my research paper and my arthritis is really taking it's toll on me right now. i think it's the weather...it can't decide what it wants to do yet and therefore my joints can't either.
but tonight, i think i will just list a few things that made me happy today and throw some pictures on the end that also make me really happy just to look at.
hmmm....
#1) tonight was cell group potluck. the food was overflowing, and you know potluck food is always good. it was good, clean fun. (just like the KOA slogan...only with a "k" for "klean")
#2) every week at cell group, the girls never cease to amaze me with their fruit-related refreshments. since we're doing the "fruit of the spirit" Bible study, they bring in something fruity each week. this week? definitely bojangle's bo-berry biscuits.....and they were still hot! wow. props go out to rachael and lindsay on that one. and just being involved in cell group each week brings my great joy and happiness.
#3) my roommate is the greatest. i can share anything and everything with her in all ranges of subjects. that's really difficult to find, especially b/c you never know what's going to come out of my mouth and yet somehow it's always a good time in jones 102. :)
#4) today in world lit, our teacher informed us that there is a place where the gates of hell are in sunnyvale, california. that's where buffy the vampire slayer takes place. that's what makes class worthwhile for zach and me.
and here are a few pictures that really made me happy when i looked back at them tonight:
melinda, me, heather, and shannon at "the motion" show at the brewery...check andrew out in the back behind shannon....he's so hot right now?!?!
mal and i in california pretending to be sick since we were the only ones brave enough to keep riding roller coasters at the boardwalk. oh, how i love cali.
and my all-time favorite picture by the train tracks in raleigh. betty, heather, shannon, me, kelly, katie, and jodi before spring formal last year. :)
soooo, that's about it i think. i guess maybe i should go to bed and stop playing on the computer. goodnight!
i am really in a great mood tonight. why? i don't know. all i've been working on for the past 24 hours has been my research paper and my arthritis is really taking it's toll on me right now. i think it's the weather...it can't decide what it wants to do yet and therefore my joints can't either.
but tonight, i think i will just list a few things that made me happy today and throw some pictures on the end that also make me really happy just to look at.
hmmm....
#1) tonight was cell group potluck. the food was overflowing, and you know potluck food is always good. it was good, clean fun. (just like the KOA slogan...only with a "k" for "klean")
#2) every week at cell group, the girls never cease to amaze me with their fruit-related refreshments. since we're doing the "fruit of the spirit" Bible study, they bring in something fruity each week. this week? definitely bojangle's bo-berry biscuits.....and they were still hot! wow. props go out to rachael and lindsay on that one. and just being involved in cell group each week brings my great joy and happiness.
#3) my roommate is the greatest. i can share anything and everything with her in all ranges of subjects. that's really difficult to find, especially b/c you never know what's going to come out of my mouth and yet somehow it's always a good time in jones 102. :)
#4) today in world lit, our teacher informed us that there is a place where the gates of hell are in sunnyvale, california. that's where buffy the vampire slayer takes place. that's what makes class worthwhile for zach and me.
and here are a few pictures that really made me happy when i looked back at them tonight:
melinda, me, heather, and shannon at "the motion" show at the brewery...check andrew out in the back behind shannon....he's so hot right now?!?!
mal and i in california pretending to be sick since we were the only ones brave enough to keep riding roller coasters at the boardwalk. oh, how i love cali.
and my all-time favorite picture by the train tracks in raleigh. betty, heather, shannon, me, kelly, katie, and jodi before spring formal last year. :)
soooo, that's about it i think. i guess maybe i should go to bed and stop playing on the computer. goodnight!
Sunday, November 07, 2004
the power of a moment
thank you chris rice for reminding me of this while getting ready for church this morning:
"you know the number of my days
so come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head
and come write Your wisdom on my heart
and teach me the power of a moment
the power of a moment, the power of a moment."
(for those of you who won't take a second to read the linked lyrics...)
"you know the number of my days
so come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head
and come write Your wisdom on my heart
and teach me the power of a moment
the power of a moment, the power of a moment."
(for those of you who won't take a second to read the linked lyrics...)
"it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...."
i'm feeling like writing a little bit tonight
i know you're saying "riiiight, a little bit? michelle? no way."
you're probably right, but here goes nothing....
it's been a pretty good weekend so far. friday night we surprised jeff at five star restaurant in raleigh. it's a nice chinese place we went to for formal last year. even after an hour or more of traffic on i-40, everyone finally made it to the restaurant for dinner. the surprise wasn't really as i planned, but it was still a good time and i think everyone enjoyed it. then we went to see "the incredibles." we were originally going to see "ray" but it had already started. but that was a cute little movie so it was fun too. also, tonight linds and i saw online that yesterday was the first day of "the incredibles," so we saw it on opening night...pretty exciting if you ask me. ha.
today was busy, yet relaxing. i had a lot that i needed to get done, and i did pretty well. this morning i got up and went to the yearbook office and worked with jeanna and kacie for awhile. i got done a few spreads that really needed to be done, so i'm glad for that. i don't want to get anyone's hopes way up, but i can say with confidence that this yearbook is going to be a good one. good cover, good theme, good dedication, good layouts so far. that's enough for me. :)
then i proceeded to eat lunch in the room and work on my research paper for world lit due on monday. yes, i'm a slacker. but i already had the general outline and everything, so i've been working and it's coming along. once i start writing tomorrow, those 7 pages will be done before i know it. i mean, really, i can practically write 7 pages on here without even thinking, so i should be good to go.
and our lady camels won the a-sun championship tonight (as stated below), so that was really exciting. then there was starbucks. and it was good.
i'm really looking forward to thanksgiving and Christmas breaks this year. i am really getting to where i enjoy being home. especially Christmas. it's my very favorite time of year. my birthday and Christmas are in the same month, so i've always really been fond of december, even though the cold is not my choice weather.
i also love autumn. i've become so much more aware of the environment this year. i think it really started in california because it was so beautiful you couldn't help but thank God for your surroundings. and this school year i've really enjoyed just being outside and the leaves changing colors and the fresh air. i'm so thankful for that realization, because i've always just overlooked it.
oh yes - and yesterday, i rode my bike to the post office. three cheers for that. :)
did i mention my life is incredibly random? weird, strange, funny, interesting things happen to me everyday. actually, i'm quite sure that God arranges each one of those things for my amusement because i can't stop laughing at the way things happen sometimes. and the funny thing is that i just keep going. that's how i know they are prearranged, becuase i think if they weren't, i might just go crazy. :)
anyway, i think it's time for bed. goodnight everyone....i hope you had a wonderful weekend!
i know you're saying "riiiight, a little bit? michelle? no way."
you're probably right, but here goes nothing....
it's been a pretty good weekend so far. friday night we surprised jeff at five star restaurant in raleigh. it's a nice chinese place we went to for formal last year. even after an hour or more of traffic on i-40, everyone finally made it to the restaurant for dinner. the surprise wasn't really as i planned, but it was still a good time and i think everyone enjoyed it. then we went to see "the incredibles." we were originally going to see "ray" but it had already started. but that was a cute little movie so it was fun too. also, tonight linds and i saw online that yesterday was the first day of "the incredibles," so we saw it on opening night...pretty exciting if you ask me. ha.
today was busy, yet relaxing. i had a lot that i needed to get done, and i did pretty well. this morning i got up and went to the yearbook office and worked with jeanna and kacie for awhile. i got done a few spreads that really needed to be done, so i'm glad for that. i don't want to get anyone's hopes way up, but i can say with confidence that this yearbook is going to be a good one. good cover, good theme, good dedication, good layouts so far. that's enough for me. :)
then i proceeded to eat lunch in the room and work on my research paper for world lit due on monday. yes, i'm a slacker. but i already had the general outline and everything, so i've been working and it's coming along. once i start writing tomorrow, those 7 pages will be done before i know it. i mean, really, i can practically write 7 pages on here without even thinking, so i should be good to go.
and our lady camels won the a-sun championship tonight (as stated below), so that was really exciting. then there was starbucks. and it was good.
i'm really looking forward to thanksgiving and Christmas breaks this year. i am really getting to where i enjoy being home. especially Christmas. it's my very favorite time of year. my birthday and Christmas are in the same month, so i've always really been fond of december, even though the cold is not my choice weather.
i also love autumn. i've become so much more aware of the environment this year. i think it really started in california because it was so beautiful you couldn't help but thank God for your surroundings. and this school year i've really enjoyed just being outside and the leaves changing colors and the fresh air. i'm so thankful for that realization, because i've always just overlooked it.
oh yes - and yesterday, i rode my bike to the post office. three cheers for that. :)
did i mention my life is incredibly random? weird, strange, funny, interesting things happen to me everyday. actually, i'm quite sure that God arranges each one of those things for my amusement because i can't stop laughing at the way things happen sometimes. and the funny thing is that i just keep going. that's how i know they are prearranged, becuase i think if they weren't, i might just go crazy. :)
anyway, i think it's time for bed. goodnight everyone....i hope you had a wonderful weekend!
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Go Camels!!
our women's soccer team won the atl sun conference championship tonight against UCF in a shoot-out.....3-1. WAY TO GO CAMELS!!!
BIG congrats to #20 danielle hange and #9 pam sharp.
i love you guys! :)
BIG congrats to #20 danielle hange and #9 pam sharp.
i love you guys! :)
Thursday, November 04, 2004
can't stop thinking about it
i can't help but put this on here too; it sums up life:
"the more we take, the less we become" - sarah mclachlan
the unhappiest times in my life have been when i've been focused on myself. totally "selfish and ungrateful," as one friend used to call her blog.
thinking about this, then, i think about how selfish and ungrateful i still am and how it hurts to be kind and selfless to those who are not in return. life is so hard....i'm so glad that's not all there is to look forward to. and we wonder why suicide rates are so high.....there is no point to life besides spreading God's word.
i was thinking about it during the play "into the woods." there is a scene where a married couple (who have obviously lived in a mediocre marriage for years) are in the woods together and suddenly realize all the reasons they actually fell in love in the first place, and all because of the enchanted woods. it was really sad to me. when you get married it will (hopefully) be to the person who is your very best friend in the whole world and whose faults are totally okay with you and who you can't think of living without. this makes me extremely happy. then i think of living with one person for the rest of my life and how many times i will say something that hurts their feelings and vice versa. i mean, really, what's the point? humans have faults. if that is the very best love you could ever experience in life and yet you were repeatedly hurt by it, i can't see a point to living at all. God's love is so much greater and is totally dependable. how exciting is that?
"never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -hebrews 13:5
grace, faith, hope. wouldn't (truly) live without them.
"the more we take, the less we become" - sarah mclachlan
the unhappiest times in my life have been when i've been focused on myself. totally "selfish and ungrateful," as one friend used to call her blog.
thinking about this, then, i think about how selfish and ungrateful i still am and how it hurts to be kind and selfless to those who are not in return. life is so hard....i'm so glad that's not all there is to look forward to. and we wonder why suicide rates are so high.....there is no point to life besides spreading God's word.
i was thinking about it during the play "into the woods." there is a scene where a married couple (who have obviously lived in a mediocre marriage for years) are in the woods together and suddenly realize all the reasons they actually fell in love in the first place, and all because of the enchanted woods. it was really sad to me. when you get married it will (hopefully) be to the person who is your very best friend in the whole world and whose faults are totally okay with you and who you can't think of living without. this makes me extremely happy. then i think of living with one person for the rest of my life and how many times i will say something that hurts their feelings and vice versa. i mean, really, what's the point? humans have faults. if that is the very best love you could ever experience in life and yet you were repeatedly hurt by it, i can't see a point to living at all. God's love is so much greater and is totally dependable. how exciting is that?
"never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -hebrews 13:5
grace, faith, hope. wouldn't (truly) live without them.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
so much to say, so much to say...
i've had a lot on my mind lately.
i'm not really "worried" about my future, but just wondering what opportunities to take and which not to take in order to get to where i'm going. i know wherever that is, it will be a ministry no matter what it is and i also know that it will be great, but i'm just trying to take steps in the right direction.
however, i am doing so much better in school than i have since i've been in college, which is pretty amazing because i am still pretty involved in other things here at campbell and at church and even outside, with family and with (boy)friend. :) but it all seems to just balance out nicely for once, and i know that it is because i do what i need to do instead of procrastinating around. i know that i need to get things done, so i go ahead and take care of them right away. it's wonderful. (if you're reading this, you probably know it already, but i'm just figuring these things out...) i don't want to jinx myself, but i think that if i try really, really hard during exams, i can come out with all a's this semester, which will be a first since early-high school times. wow.
i also know that it is because i have been praying about that, and God has taken care of it by giving my more desire to do my work and to learn in general. that's good stuff.
jeff and i talked about that the other day...it's so amazing that i can feel my priorities changing. and that really doesn't bother me at all. for example, i was originally going to stay in chapel hill for halloween on sunday night and drive home monday morning before my 11:00 class. but i had a few tests and a paper due this week and i really felt like i would rather come back and study so that i could prepare for cell group on monday and also so that my week wouldn't be off from the get-go. i wanted to come back here and get all my stuff put back together before i had to start the school week. i'm sure unc would have been fun and i certainly would have enjoyed more time with jeff, but we figure - hey, we're in college right now and we need to do what we need to do. i used to think that this meant i was turning into an old person, but i'm really glad i'm not so focused on being in the middle of all the "action" anymore because it was only stressful.
i'm feeling pretty down tonight. for starters, my car battery died tonight, so i had to leave my car in the mckay parking lot so that i can go get it jumped in the morning and buy a new battery. but that's not even a huge deal, just not real fun either. but also tonight, we had "trash night" for cia. it makes me really sad that when we have an outreach for "Christians in action" only 3 girls and 3 guys show up, of those being linds, nick, ike, and me who are all leaders. i don't really know what to say about except that it makes me sad that so many people come to learn but they don't put it into action when given the chance. i know many of them are involved in ministries elsewhere which is a good thing. i just hope that everyone is using their talent somewhere. i wish that everyone could experience the joy that i have found in the small things like this outreach.
i have also felt very hurt lately about my friendships. i have tried so hard to mend friendships from home that were broken before i came to school and not to hold grudges. i think that has worked out fairly well, because i can't think of anyone at home that i'm on bad terms with and i have really come to peace with all of that and God has worked those things out. now it seems like i have very few people i can actually depend on here at school, which is a little upsetting at times. i think that God is showing me that people will always let you down. it's a hard way to learn though when you feel like things are happening and you're growing away from some and you don't even know why that began in the first place or what you're supposed to do about it.
it's funny: sometimes i get on here and type a few sentences and i'm good to go. other times, it's like this where i just can't even stop the flow. but i really need to - i have this case study i need to do for organizational management and i could really use some sleep.
please let me know what you think about any of this. thanks so much!
i'm not really "worried" about my future, but just wondering what opportunities to take and which not to take in order to get to where i'm going. i know wherever that is, it will be a ministry no matter what it is and i also know that it will be great, but i'm just trying to take steps in the right direction.
however, i am doing so much better in school than i have since i've been in college, which is pretty amazing because i am still pretty involved in other things here at campbell and at church and even outside, with family and with (boy)friend. :) but it all seems to just balance out nicely for once, and i know that it is because i do what i need to do instead of procrastinating around. i know that i need to get things done, so i go ahead and take care of them right away. it's wonderful. (if you're reading this, you probably know it already, but i'm just figuring these things out...) i don't want to jinx myself, but i think that if i try really, really hard during exams, i can come out with all a's this semester, which will be a first since early-high school times. wow.
i also know that it is because i have been praying about that, and God has taken care of it by giving my more desire to do my work and to learn in general. that's good stuff.
jeff and i talked about that the other day...it's so amazing that i can feel my priorities changing. and that really doesn't bother me at all. for example, i was originally going to stay in chapel hill for halloween on sunday night and drive home monday morning before my 11:00 class. but i had a few tests and a paper due this week and i really felt like i would rather come back and study so that i could prepare for cell group on monday and also so that my week wouldn't be off from the get-go. i wanted to come back here and get all my stuff put back together before i had to start the school week. i'm sure unc would have been fun and i certainly would have enjoyed more time with jeff, but we figure - hey, we're in college right now and we need to do what we need to do. i used to think that this meant i was turning into an old person, but i'm really glad i'm not so focused on being in the middle of all the "action" anymore because it was only stressful.
i'm feeling pretty down tonight. for starters, my car battery died tonight, so i had to leave my car in the mckay parking lot so that i can go get it jumped in the morning and buy a new battery. but that's not even a huge deal, just not real fun either. but also tonight, we had "trash night" for cia. it makes me really sad that when we have an outreach for "Christians in action" only 3 girls and 3 guys show up, of those being linds, nick, ike, and me who are all leaders. i don't really know what to say about except that it makes me sad that so many people come to learn but they don't put it into action when given the chance. i know many of them are involved in ministries elsewhere which is a good thing. i just hope that everyone is using their talent somewhere. i wish that everyone could experience the joy that i have found in the small things like this outreach.
i have also felt very hurt lately about my friendships. i have tried so hard to mend friendships from home that were broken before i came to school and not to hold grudges. i think that has worked out fairly well, because i can't think of anyone at home that i'm on bad terms with and i have really come to peace with all of that and God has worked those things out. now it seems like i have very few people i can actually depend on here at school, which is a little upsetting at times. i think that God is showing me that people will always let you down. it's a hard way to learn though when you feel like things are happening and you're growing away from some and you don't even know why that began in the first place or what you're supposed to do about it.
it's funny: sometimes i get on here and type a few sentences and i'm good to go. other times, it's like this where i just can't even stop the flow. but i really need to - i have this case study i need to do for organizational management and i could really use some sleep.
please let me know what you think about any of this. thanks so much!
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Election 2004
Yes, I am the proud owner of one of these stickers (without the "touchscreen" part, of course). I'm happy to say I put in my vote today at the Buies Creek Fire Department. Lindsay and I are now printing out US maps so we can fill in the red and blue states as they come up tonight....hahaha.
LET'S GO GEORGIE!!!
Shout-out to my friend Rachel in Santa Barbara, CA for wearing her "George W. Bush is my homeboy" shirt today, even though she could be killed for that at her school. :)
Thursday, October 28, 2004
YESSSSSSSSS!
tears of joy tonight for the Red Sox.....
and congratulations to Bernie and his grandfather. :)
and congratulations to Bernie and his grandfather. :)
Monday, October 25, 2004
weaknesses and struggles...
i'm feeling inspired to post the story i wrote on here for others to read. hopefully someone can relate to this and maybe even someone needs to hear this, b/c i know i did...let me know if you have any insights or want to talk about it.... (keep in mind this is for a high school chicken soup book...that's why it's kind of corny) :)
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
(2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
At first glance, I might seem like your typical college junior: trying to find my place in life and in the real world, wondering what my life will be like after graduation and how to get there. In my short lifetime, I have been told repeatedly to figure out what I’m good at, because only then will I be able to start determining what I should do with my life. I have been taught by countless teachers, counselors, and friends to look for my strengths, and most would say I’ve been pretty successful in finding those and using them accordingly.
Many times in life and growing up we, as students, are taught to be strong, to be leaders and not followers, and especially here in America, to be self-sufficient and independent, no matter what it takes.
Even though I have found many strengths within myself to use in different areas of my life, it has still been a constant struggle to be totally independent and I have found that no matter how much I act like I don’t need anyone else, inside I am longing for and needing someone to pick me up when I fall and to fill in for my many weaknesses. God has taught me that compared to His insurmountable strength, every quality that I have is actually a weakness. That is why Paul says in Corinthians that he delights in his weaknesses, so that Christ’s power can “rest on him.” He even goes as far as to “boast” about his weaknesses, so that other people can know that he is incapable of doing things on his own and using his personal qualities.
After coming to this understanding of God, I realized that I have been given a daily reminder of my own weakness. Every morning when I wake up and place my feet on the ground, I am reminded that I cannot make it through the day without God’s help and strength.
You see, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was 18 months old. This was very uncommon at the time, and still is at that young age. Due to the uniqueness of the situation, there was really no medication for the pain, so I was taking 24 baby aspirin per day, which eventually led to a medication-induced coma that turned into Reye’s Syndrome. Praise God I was only in a coma for one day and was rescued from that. There are so many things I could say about this time in my life: I went on numerous medications and was in a wheelchair because I was unable to walk. My dad had to do therapy with me daily where I cried and screamed from the pain. The doctors told my parents that I may never walk.
The point is that my parents did not put their trust in the doctors. And they definitely didn’t put their trust in themselves, as they probably were feeling very helpless in this situation. All they could do at that point was trust in God and believe that through our extreme helplessness and weakness, His glory would be shown.
I am that weakness. Although I did not recognize that until 20 years after my diagnosis, God has been working through me anyway. Of course, there have been hard times in my life, just like anyone else’s, but I now realize that I should boast about my weaknesses, for it is in those weaknesses that Christ’s glory, power, and strength is shown.
I am one big weakness, and for that very reason, God wants to use me, just like He wants to use you.
manic monday.
i finally wrote my story to send in to "chicken soup for the soul" today. it wasn't about hope, which is what i was planning on. i just didn't have enough information to do what i wanted to. but i wrote about weakness, which is something that's really been on my mind and happens to be related to everything i'm learning lately, so i figured i could write about that since i'm one big weakness. so maybe they'll like it and publish it....who knows. i'll keep you updated though.
i also had a research test today which i was somewhat worried about, but i think i did pretty well. so "yahoo" for that.
i hope YOU'RE having a happy monday. :)
i also had a research test today which i was somewhat worried about, but i think i did pretty well. so "yahoo" for that.
i hope YOU'RE having a happy monday. :)
Saturday, October 23, 2004
oh what a night
top ten things that made me happy on this friday night:
1) dinner with old, but faithful, friends nathanael, matt oak, & morgan
2) starbucks tall mocha and vanilla pound cake
3) rick & mike told us about how they cry at movies quite frequently
4) seeing tiffany, even if it was for about 20 minutes on the sidewalk at starbucks
5) mike playing his harmonica while driving down franklin street beside us
6) i found out about new thrift shops
7) listening to jeanna's 80's cd while katie and jana did the "80's snap" in the back seat
8) finding out jeanna owns the soul decision cd with the hit song "faded"
9) "i wanna dance with somebody" by whitney houston
10) and, we discussed what might just be this year's halloween costume: we love the 80's!
http://www.eightyeightynine.com/culture/legwarmers.html
ahhhh, yes, the leg warmers. :)
1) dinner with old, but faithful, friends nathanael, matt oak, & morgan
2) starbucks tall mocha and vanilla pound cake
3) rick & mike told us about how they cry at movies quite frequently
4) seeing tiffany, even if it was for about 20 minutes on the sidewalk at starbucks
5) mike playing his harmonica while driving down franklin street beside us
6) i found out about new thrift shops
7) listening to jeanna's 80's cd while katie and jana did the "80's snap" in the back seat
8) finding out jeanna owns the soul decision cd with the hit song "faded"
9) "i wanna dance with somebody" by whitney houston
10) and, we discussed what might just be this year's halloween costume: we love the 80's!
http://www.eightyeightynine.com/culture/legwarmers.html
ahhhh, yes, the leg warmers. :)
Friday, October 22, 2004
revelations
i am overwhelmed with God's details and intricate plans in and for our lives.
for example, this weekend i was thinking about going to billy's in edenton for his show with jeff and katie beck and others. i was pretty excited about that prospect, but i really didn't want to go if kt didn't go, b/c i didn't want to end up being the only girl.
katie wasn't sure if she would be able to go yet, and yesterday found out that she couldn't go, which was a pretty big bummer to her. so i decided not to go, but to hang out around here for the weekend and help some with parent's weekend.
this morning, lindsay's grandmother passed away. she is now getting everything together to go home this weekend and doesn't know when she'll be back. so she and nick are headed out a.s.a.p.
since it's parent's weekend, lindsay had a lot of things that she needed to be here for, and so did nick. but, hey, i'll be here this weekend, so i've got it all taken care of so they don't have to worry and can go home and be with the family.
so i'll be finishing up the hall banner and getting people to help work at the CIA booth tomorrow, and probably leading CIA on sunday night.
thank you God for putting me in the right place at the right time. how amazing are the little things in life where God shows Himself?
please be in prayer for lindsay and her family.
"PRAISE be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 cor. 1:3-4)
for example, this weekend i was thinking about going to billy's in edenton for his show with jeff and katie beck and others. i was pretty excited about that prospect, but i really didn't want to go if kt didn't go, b/c i didn't want to end up being the only girl.
katie wasn't sure if she would be able to go yet, and yesterday found out that she couldn't go, which was a pretty big bummer to her. so i decided not to go, but to hang out around here for the weekend and help some with parent's weekend.
this morning, lindsay's grandmother passed away. she is now getting everything together to go home this weekend and doesn't know when she'll be back. so she and nick are headed out a.s.a.p.
since it's parent's weekend, lindsay had a lot of things that she needed to be here for, and so did nick. but, hey, i'll be here this weekend, so i've got it all taken care of so they don't have to worry and can go home and be with the family.
so i'll be finishing up the hall banner and getting people to help work at the CIA booth tomorrow, and probably leading CIA on sunday night.
thank you God for putting me in the right place at the right time. how amazing are the little things in life where God shows Himself?
please be in prayer for lindsay and her family.
"PRAISE be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 cor. 1:3-4)
Thursday, October 21, 2004
catharsis
I'm such a girl.
tears just streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks when the Red Sox won game 7. and i'm not even a true sox fan!! i was definitely pulling for them, but that's really only because they were the underdog, and because when i roomed with jodi, she told me a lot about the Sox and i grew to like them. so i was pretty excited they made it this far. but i've really gotta' stop this frequent crying stuff.
actually, on second thought, i don't know that i really do want to stop it. i have noticed that ever since i quit entertainment last fall, i have become a much more sensitive and emotional person. i think i was already emotional, but not in a good way. i really do cry at everything, though. examples? lots of Oprah episodes, songs on the radio, when i hear about people's prayers being answered, when i think about people's struggles, just to name a few. but i was thinking about it the other day and decided that i should pray that God continues to soften my heart, because i think i should see this as a good sign that i am personally touched by so many things. so it is with a change of heart that i say i want to keep crying. it shows you have a heart. just remember that girls: crying is great!
other than that, this bad day has become a pretty good one. i decided to dress up today and make myself feel better, and ever since then little things have made me happier and happier. so, i think i'll write about Hope some now, then head to bed.
i would like to give a BIG shout-out to Bernie Derosiers: Boston native, born a Boston fan, and will definitely die a Boston fan. congratulations, bernie. thanks for all of your dedication and relentless support. :)
and with that, i say goodnight!
tears just streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks when the Red Sox won game 7. and i'm not even a true sox fan!! i was definitely pulling for them, but that's really only because they were the underdog, and because when i roomed with jodi, she told me a lot about the Sox and i grew to like them. so i was pretty excited they made it this far. but i've really gotta' stop this frequent crying stuff.
actually, on second thought, i don't know that i really do want to stop it. i have noticed that ever since i quit entertainment last fall, i have become a much more sensitive and emotional person. i think i was already emotional, but not in a good way. i really do cry at everything, though. examples? lots of Oprah episodes, songs on the radio, when i hear about people's prayers being answered, when i think about people's struggles, just to name a few. but i was thinking about it the other day and decided that i should pray that God continues to soften my heart, because i think i should see this as a good sign that i am personally touched by so many things. so it is with a change of heart that i say i want to keep crying. it shows you have a heart. just remember that girls: crying is great!
other than that, this bad day has become a pretty good one. i decided to dress up today and make myself feel better, and ever since then little things have made me happier and happier. so, i think i'll write about Hope some now, then head to bed.
i would like to give a BIG shout-out to Bernie Derosiers: Boston native, born a Boston fan, and will definitely die a Boston fan. congratulations, bernie. thanks for all of your dedication and relentless support. :)
and with that, i say goodnight!
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
it's been a hard day's night
wow...it's wednesday at 9:59am and it's already been a long, hard day.
the beginning of my day was great - i woke up and went to the 7am prayer meeting in the student center, which is always a great refresher on wednesday mornings, since you're at the point in your week where you are in definite need of encouragement. then i ate breakfast with kt, linds, nick, and melinda, and it's always nice to hang out with those wonderful people.
then i proceeded to drive to walmart to get my prescription, which finally got called in yesterday, which was an ordeal in itself. i got there too early this morning, only to find out that the pharmacy doesn't open until 9am, so i walked around the store, collecting a few things i have been needing. i went back to the pharmacy at 9, waited a few mintues, then when they opened, found out they were having computer troubles and couldn't give out prescriptions. they also didn't know how long this would take, so i had to come back to school since it was looking good for getting out of there anytime before i have to teach water aerobics at 11:00. i also had to leave behind the items i shopped for, b/c i don't exactly know how much my medicine will cost with the insurance amount taken off, since the actual cost is a whopping $97 and some cents....yes.....unreal, i know. oh, the wonderful life of healthcare.
i came back feeling pretty down b/c my joints are really aching for that medicine, but i thought "hmm, maybe my check finally came in the mail today...that would really cheer me up" so i stopped at the post office, only to recieve a notice from a collections agency in California telling me i owe the Santa Cruz county library system $60-some dollars for a missing book and late fees.....needless to say, my boss is returning the book for me since it's still in the house i stayed in this summer. i mean, it's totally all my fault, but there's not even a contact number on the notice or on my library card so that i can get in touch with anyone there and straighten this out so i can find out what i really owe after the book is returned. i even called 411, and they had nothing.
soooo, it's been a pretty loooong morning and i haven't even started classes yet.
the point of all this is, please pray for me this week at some point. i have two huge midterms on Friday and i would really like to write a story about Hope Stout for the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series...it's a long story, but it's a great opportunity. and of course, i have way too much to do in 3 days. i know it will all get done, but all of this added to my thoughts right now is just a lot to handle, especially when i'm feeling so badly. don't feel sorry for me, b/c i bring lots of it on myself, but please do pray for me. thanks!
the beginning of my day was great - i woke up and went to the 7am prayer meeting in the student center, which is always a great refresher on wednesday mornings, since you're at the point in your week where you are in definite need of encouragement. then i ate breakfast with kt, linds, nick, and melinda, and it's always nice to hang out with those wonderful people.
then i proceeded to drive to walmart to get my prescription, which finally got called in yesterday, which was an ordeal in itself. i got there too early this morning, only to find out that the pharmacy doesn't open until 9am, so i walked around the store, collecting a few things i have been needing. i went back to the pharmacy at 9, waited a few mintues, then when they opened, found out they were having computer troubles and couldn't give out prescriptions. they also didn't know how long this would take, so i had to come back to school since it was looking good for getting out of there anytime before i have to teach water aerobics at 11:00. i also had to leave behind the items i shopped for, b/c i don't exactly know how much my medicine will cost with the insurance amount taken off, since the actual cost is a whopping $97 and some cents....yes.....unreal, i know. oh, the wonderful life of healthcare.
i came back feeling pretty down b/c my joints are really aching for that medicine, but i thought "hmm, maybe my check finally came in the mail today...that would really cheer me up" so i stopped at the post office, only to recieve a notice from a collections agency in California telling me i owe the Santa Cruz county library system $60-some dollars for a missing book and late fees.....needless to say, my boss is returning the book for me since it's still in the house i stayed in this summer. i mean, it's totally all my fault, but there's not even a contact number on the notice or on my library card so that i can get in touch with anyone there and straighten this out so i can find out what i really owe after the book is returned. i even called 411, and they had nothing.
soooo, it's been a pretty loooong morning and i haven't even started classes yet.
the point of all this is, please pray for me this week at some point. i have two huge midterms on Friday and i would really like to write a story about Hope Stout for the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series...it's a long story, but it's a great opportunity. and of course, i have way too much to do in 3 days. i know it will all get done, but all of this added to my thoughts right now is just a lot to handle, especially when i'm feeling so badly. don't feel sorry for me, b/c i bring lots of it on myself, but please do pray for me. thanks!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
my cup overfloweth
well, i was inspired last night to start this up again when i saw that my good friend Bracken at home had created her own blog. however, i decided to start totally over because i think that has been the theme of my life for this year already. i am trying as best i can to let myself be changed in every circumstance. and that is that.
there is absolutely no way that i could even begin to express all the things that God has already taught me this year, so i'm not even going to try that. i'll just try to hit some of the high points, and i'm sure that all of it will come up in the future, especially since it's all really interconnected anyway.
the most important thing that i have learned in the past semester is that the process of truly letting Christ be the center of your life is really reprogramming everything about your human nature. as sinful creatures, the way we think is innately sinful, and therefore we must purge ourselves of everything that we already think and "let our minds be transformed." basically, we have been brainwashed by the world. what an amazing thing to recognize.
and as any good therapist would say, "the first step to recovery is recognizing you have a problem."
with that said, i will tell you about my day today.
this morning, i had the opportunity to see ginny owens in concert during CUW. she's definitely not your typical Christian artist, but especially because she has been blind since the ago of 2. she has always been one of my very favorite artists, because her songs are very specific to different periods in her life, and therefore to mine as well. one of my favorite songs is called "free" which goes a little something like this:
(just wanted to share that because i love it & she played it today)
what is really interesting is that just yesterday, i read John 9:1-3 which says,
it was really cool that i read that yesterday, because God was able to illustrate that to me today through ginny's ministry. and after the concert kt beck, melanie, and i took a picture with her and i also got a chance to sit down and tell ginny how God used her to illustrate that verse to me and how much that meant to me, especially since there are many times when i myself wonder if there is a purpose to my own disability. in fact, here's a picture of ginny and i talking:
i have learned this year that so many times, we pray without expecting answers, and especially without looking for those answers. all you have to do is pray for God to reveal Himself to you through everything you do on a daily basis and then keep your eyes open -- it can seriously be so overwhelming at times, but such an incredible blessing. on a daily basis, i find myself in tears with the overwhelming sense of God even in small parts of my day. what a different way to experience "normal, everday" life....life abundantly.
lindsay, julie, and i went to a women's event tonight at Grace where Lysa TurKeurst spoke. she's the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, which i found out tonight, is actually a ministry out of the town i live in!! i hear it on the radio all the time, but i wasn't aware it was right down the road. it was so awesome to hear the stories she told and the insight she had from her experiences. i even discovered some really cool opportunities i might have in this ministry. i can't even begin to explain it all tonight, but don't worry friends, i will at some point. :)
anyway, i guess that's a pretty long opening to my new blog, but i'm glad i will be able to get all my thoughts out again and hopefully get some feedback too, because i always enjoy learn a lot from other people's insights.
anyway, happy fall break everyone!!
there is absolutely no way that i could even begin to express all the things that God has already taught me this year, so i'm not even going to try that. i'll just try to hit some of the high points, and i'm sure that all of it will come up in the future, especially since it's all really interconnected anyway.
the most important thing that i have learned in the past semester is that the process of truly letting Christ be the center of your life is really reprogramming everything about your human nature. as sinful creatures, the way we think is innately sinful, and therefore we must purge ourselves of everything that we already think and "let our minds be transformed." basically, we have been brainwashed by the world. what an amazing thing to recognize.
and as any good therapist would say, "the first step to recovery is recognizing you have a problem."
with that said, i will tell you about my day today.
this morning, i had the opportunity to see ginny owens in concert during CUW. she's definitely not your typical Christian artist, but especially because she has been blind since the ago of 2. she has always been one of my very favorite artists, because her songs are very specific to different periods in her life, and therefore to mine as well. one of my favorite songs is called "free" which goes a little something like this:
"turning molehills into mountains, making big deals out of small ones,
bearing gifts as if they're burdens, this is how it's been.
fear of coming out of my shell, too many things i can't do too well,
'fraid i'll try real hard and i'll fail, this is how it's been.
'till the day You pounded on my heart's door,
and You shouted joyfully,"You're not a slave anymore."
(just wanted to share that because i love it & she played it today)
what is really interesting is that just yesterday, i read John 9:1-3 which says,
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him,
'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'
'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus,
'but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.' "
it was really cool that i read that yesterday, because God was able to illustrate that to me today through ginny's ministry. and after the concert kt beck, melanie, and i took a picture with her and i also got a chance to sit down and tell ginny how God used her to illustrate that verse to me and how much that meant to me, especially since there are many times when i myself wonder if there is a purpose to my own disability. in fact, here's a picture of ginny and i talking:
i have learned this year that so many times, we pray without expecting answers, and especially without looking for those answers. all you have to do is pray for God to reveal Himself to you through everything you do on a daily basis and then keep your eyes open -- it can seriously be so overwhelming at times, but such an incredible blessing. on a daily basis, i find myself in tears with the overwhelming sense of God even in small parts of my day. what a different way to experience "normal, everday" life....life abundantly.
lindsay, julie, and i went to a women's event tonight at Grace where Lysa TurKeurst spoke. she's the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, which i found out tonight, is actually a ministry out of the town i live in!! i hear it on the radio all the time, but i wasn't aware it was right down the road. it was so awesome to hear the stories she told and the insight she had from her experiences. i even discovered some really cool opportunities i might have in this ministry. i can't even begin to explain it all tonight, but don't worry friends, i will at some point. :)
anyway, i guess that's a pretty long opening to my new blog, but i'm glad i will be able to get all my thoughts out again and hopefully get some feedback too, because i always enjoy learn a lot from other people's insights.
anyway, happy fall break everyone!!
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