so much to say, so much to say...

i've had a lot on my mind lately.

i'm not really "worried" about my future, but just wondering what opportunities to take and which not to take in order to get to where i'm going. i know wherever that is, it will be a ministry no matter what it is and i also know that it will be great, but i'm just trying to take steps in the right direction.

however, i am doing so much better in school than i have since i've been in college, which is pretty amazing because i am still pretty involved in other things here at campbell and at church and even outside, with family and with (boy)friend. :) but it all seems to just balance out nicely for once, and i know that it is because i do what i need to do instead of procrastinating around. i know that i need to get things done, so i go ahead and take care of them right away. it's wonderful. (if you're reading this, you probably know it already, but i'm just figuring these things out...) i don't want to jinx myself, but i think that if i try really, really hard during exams, i can come out with all a's this semester, which will be a first since early-high school times. wow.

i also know that it is because i have been praying about that, and God has taken care of it by giving my more desire to do my work and to learn in general. that's good stuff.

jeff and i talked about that the other day...it's so amazing that i can feel my priorities changing. and that really doesn't bother me at all. for example, i was originally going to stay in chapel hill for halloween on sunday night and drive home monday morning before my 11:00 class. but i had a few tests and a paper due this week and i really felt like i would rather come back and study so that i could prepare for cell group on monday and also so that my week wouldn't be off from the get-go. i wanted to come back here and get all my stuff put back together before i had to start the school week. i'm sure unc would have been fun and i certainly would have enjoyed more time with jeff, but we figure - hey, we're in college right now and we need to do what we need to do. i used to think that this meant i was turning into an old person, but i'm really glad i'm not so focused on being in the middle of all the "action" anymore because it was only stressful.

i'm feeling pretty down tonight. for starters, my car battery died tonight, so i had to leave my car in the mckay parking lot so that i can go get it jumped in the morning and buy a new battery. but that's not even a huge deal, just not real fun either. but also tonight, we had "trash night" for cia. it makes me really sad that when we have an outreach for "Christians in action" only 3 girls and 3 guys show up, of those being linds, nick, ike, and me who are all leaders. i don't really know what to say about except that it makes me sad that so many people come to learn but they don't put it into action when given the chance. i know many of them are involved in ministries elsewhere which is a good thing. i just hope that everyone is using their talent somewhere. i wish that everyone could experience the joy that i have found in the small things like this outreach.

i have also felt very hurt lately about my friendships. i have tried so hard to mend friendships from home that were broken before i came to school and not to hold grudges. i think that has worked out fairly well, because i can't think of anyone at home that i'm on bad terms with and i have really come to peace with all of that and God has worked those things out. now it seems like i have very few people i can actually depend on here at school, which is a little upsetting at times. i think that God is showing me that people will always let you down. it's a hard way to learn though when you feel like things are happening and you're growing away from some and you don't even know why that began in the first place or what you're supposed to do about it.

it's funny: sometimes i get on here and type a few sentences and i'm good to go. other times, it's like this where i just can't even stop the flow. but i really need to - i have this case study i need to do for organizational management and i could really use some sleep.

please let me know what you think about any of this. thanks so much!