a chill in the air

as i walk out the door to go to work this morning, the crisp air hits my face & i am reminded that seasons change.

i am bustling out the door in a sweater, skirt, tights, boots, coat and scarf....how much more can a girl put on to protect herself from the drastic change in weather?? not enough, clearly. it seeps straight through.

i am freezing...and annoyed...and my joints are achy...and i am reminded that change isn't fun. sure, after awhile you get used to it when you get into the routine, but it's generally not something that feels good in the beginning or sometimes even in the middle.




personal life change is lonely.

i tend to feel like i'm all alone in the things that i experience because
a) i don't have the 24/7 in-your-face support of an incredible friend chain that i used to,
b) i don't have anyone in my life to fill the "more than friend" aspect that hugely helps in day-to-day life and
c) i am a lot weaker than i seem when it comes to depending on God as a support. i know that He is there, but it's very hard for me to feel His presence each and every minute. (and for this emo, feeling girl, that is a difficult absense of "feeling" to overcome)
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i just found out that i owe a good amount of money for medical bills that i did not anticipate. i won't even begin to go into the politics of all that, but i will say this: i wish there were people, or a specific person, in my life that i could share that with who cared enough about me to simply be my cheerleader as i get through the tough times that are ahead as i figure out how that is going to add to my bills each month and how that will significantly reduce the fun in my life.

i realized a few weeks ago (late, i know) that i need to start being honest about the fact that i am not self-sufficient. i am lacking in my life right now because i was made for close relationships and unfortunately, i've not found too many yet. there are a few on the cusp that i am going to definitely invest more time in and hopefully grow them, and i am incredibly thankful for my community group and how we've all grown together over the past year and i see those relationships deepening each day.

i am moving into a townhouse in a few weeks with lauren (from my small group) and i think that will probably be the best choice i've made in awhile. coming home with someone to talk to will change my life for the better, no doubt.
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all in all, there are quite a few changes that i can foresee in the coming months. most will be uncomfortable, hard to get used to, not exactly what i would have wanted. but at the same time, these are the changes that will be the foundation for growth and ultimately produce goodness and plenty. i just need to collect my manna one day at a time.

but in the meantime, i sure am freezing.