dreary

the weather is fitting for my office today.

a chill in the air

as i walk out the door to go to work this morning, the crisp air hits my face & i am reminded that seasons change.

i am bustling out the door in a sweater, skirt, tights, boots, coat and scarf....how much more can a girl put on to protect herself from the drastic change in weather?? not enough, clearly. it seeps straight through.

i am freezing...and annoyed...and my joints are achy...and i am reminded that change isn't fun. sure, after awhile you get used to it when you get into the routine, but it's generally not something that feels good in the beginning or sometimes even in the middle.




personal life change is lonely.

i tend to feel like i'm all alone in the things that i experience because
a) i don't have the 24/7 in-your-face support of an incredible friend chain that i used to,
b) i don't have anyone in my life to fill the "more than friend" aspect that hugely helps in day-to-day life and
c) i am a lot weaker than i seem when it comes to depending on God as a support. i know that He is there, but it's very hard for me to feel His presence each and every minute. (and for this emo, feeling girl, that is a difficult absense of "feeling" to overcome)
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i just found out that i owe a good amount of money for medical bills that i did not anticipate. i won't even begin to go into the politics of all that, but i will say this: i wish there were people, or a specific person, in my life that i could share that with who cared enough about me to simply be my cheerleader as i get through the tough times that are ahead as i figure out how that is going to add to my bills each month and how that will significantly reduce the fun in my life.

i realized a few weeks ago (late, i know) that i need to start being honest about the fact that i am not self-sufficient. i am lacking in my life right now because i was made for close relationships and unfortunately, i've not found too many yet. there are a few on the cusp that i am going to definitely invest more time in and hopefully grow them, and i am incredibly thankful for my community group and how we've all grown together over the past year and i see those relationships deepening each day.

i am moving into a townhouse in a few weeks with lauren (from my small group) and i think that will probably be the best choice i've made in awhile. coming home with someone to talk to will change my life for the better, no doubt.
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all in all, there are quite a few changes that i can foresee in the coming months. most will be uncomfortable, hard to get used to, not exactly what i would have wanted. but at the same time, these are the changes that will be the foundation for growth and ultimately produce goodness and plenty. i just need to collect my manna one day at a time.

but in the meantime, i sure am freezing.

also in today's news,

this morning's "good morning office" song was "son of a preacher man"

sing along with me.....

"the only one who could ever reach me,
was the song of a preacher man..."

solo (as usual) by amy, whose wedding i'm going to be in! just found out this week! exciiiiting!

Opinion Poll: Michelle's Taste in Men

yesterday during lunch at qdoba, i pointed out a guy to my co-workers...a guy wearing two different prints in one outfit (button-up shirt/pants). i told them i thought he was attractive.

my friend tina (who has very different taste than my own) suggested that i needed to look up a guy from that crazy hit show "gossip girl" because i would definitely love his style. she also said i would wear a purple skirt and an orange shirt together, which is just not true! (unless of course it looked good!)

all this to say, i circulated an email to some friends yesterday because i found a pattern in my celebrity (and real life) crushes and have received several opinions back...here is an excerpt...
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A quick photo comparison of Michelle’s celebrity crushes… (With the new addition “Chuck Bass” from Gossip Girl, suggested by Tina)…

Jude Law

Justin Timberlake / Adam Brody (a wonderful DOUBLE whammy here)


David Cook

Chuck Bass

I hope I can find someone who has a scarf, vest and/or wears different prints together in the same outfit.

Otherwise, he’s a goner!

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So I'm just going to throw this out here for opinions...I'd love to hear them!

I just think it's so interesting how we were all created with very different tastes & I think it's fun to discuss!

I obviously should move to Europe. Not such a bad idea, because then I wouldn't have to vote in this election either.

i want to be a photographer.

suggestions?

baby makes her first cake!

tina & i made kenny a birthday cake last night - he is a co-worker of ours who LOVES the mets!

best cake i've ever made, for sure and i learned a lot from tina :)

our CEO even came in and now wants to join our suite for birthday cake today!

"you can't put baby in a corner!"
(that's me because i'm the youngest here & i sit in the corner)

melinda > michelle

http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1197228.html

wow!

i'd say this guy is the nc state to unc - always on the defense.

but that's just my opinion, haha. :)

why i heart buies creek

http://www.gocamels.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=65455&SPID=7313&DB_OEM_ID=15300&ATCLID=1569312

let me highlight:

He has a feeling he put together a better team than he thought he could in the first couple of years, not that much is expected of Campbell. Jeff Sagarin's preseason computer ranking lists the Fighting Camels at No. 244 among 245 college football teams.

Steele and his staff won't know for sure what they have until Saturday.

"It'll be a surprise for the kids, for us, for everybody," Williams said. "Heck, I don't know what's gonna happen."

LOVE IT! don't know what i'd do without it!!

o v e r w h e l m e d

so much so, i really can't stick around to type very much tonight.

BUT, i wanted to update since i've been very bad at that lately.

work is insanely busy, but i think things are lookin' up (as far as my motivation to get it done)

i am considering a huge decision to be a younglife leader in the local high school here, which would literally change my life and i'm really not sure (to be honest) if i could handle everything right now, so i could use some prayer there

i really miss my friends from college (and probably forever will)

things to be thankful for:
- i get to go on the lake on sunday FINALLY! and with my small group!
- i didn't start back as an undergrad at campbell u today like some people did
- i am taking on the amazon account full force (that's why i'm still at work right now but i'm taking a breather)
- i get to see lots of wonderful people next weekend!!! :)

and she's off!

the emerald city

you're invited to seattle!

i tried to give you a tour the best i could :)

once again,

bragging on my genius mip...

incredibly (and sadly) interesting and most of the time, no awareness.

i applied for the bachelor. haha.

thanks mom.

NKOTB

yep, that's right. i used the initials.

right now in the office: "the right stuff"
this picture even went out in an email.

ohhh, fridays.


NKOTB.
Time Warner Cable Arena
Charlotte, NC
October 30, 2008

today's musical team building?

"the safety dance" by men without hats
followed by
"the cupid shuffle" by cupid
& finished off with
"signed, sealed, delivered" by stevie wonder.


my co-workers were dancing around the cubes!
(this may have been because we all were told we could leave at lunch, but i pretend it was my dj skills)

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and now i'm off to the beach for a week! hallelujah!

musical team building

my friend amy sits in the cube beside me at work.

last night at her house, we decided that it might be fun(ny) to blast a random song really loud each morning from our general cube area, just to see how our co-workers would react.

i have to say, it was hilarious. we laughed before the song even came on (surprise), and as soon as it did, a few of our co-workers started circling our cubes and trying to figure out what in the world was going on to which we replied "we're just trying to spread a little cheer!"

they actually discussed the song choice amongst themselves and i even heard chris singing the song to himself after it played.

the song for the day:
"the first noel" performed by josh groban & faith hill

any of your ideas for "motivational song of the day" would be much appreciated.

if you like my blog,

check out my photoblog!

build me up, buttercup

i just finished off a basically perfect weekend.

the funny thing is, there were quite a few not-so-perfect things that happened, but i honestly have not enjoyed myself and other people like i did this weekend in a long, long time. what a wonderful feeling :)

here are a few of my favorite photos from the weekend:


this was at approximately 3am on friday morning after we returned from britt's bachelorette dinner/lingerie shower/unexpected disco dance party in ballantyne.

her cousin mackenzie had come into town while we were gone, so she wanted to jump on him when we got back.

here we are headed up the stairs, trying to be "sneaky..."

me, stephen and lauren at my brother's high school graduation...next year he will be a mountaineer at app state university!

(here we're throwing up the "weddington high school" signs...all warrior graduates!)

on the way to the wedding, my car made a huge roaring sound on 485 right before our exit to 77.

after screaming and shaking, lisa and i got out to find that my tire tread flew off in the middle of the interstate.

her fiancee lee (hero of the weekend) came to our rescue and we made it just in time to get dressed and walk down the aisle. of course, we had to commemorate with a photo!

here we are, all grown up and reunited (even one from overseas!)

(lauren, lisa, brittany, me and maria!)

me & maria...i still can't believe she's here! what a breath of fresh air :)

ahhhh. it seriously made my life.

especially since brittany had the dj play "build me up, buttercup" at the reception. we LOVE it!

i love living in the city;

however i realized this morning that i would, at some point in my life, enjoy living in an old, big city.

the kind where people say "oh, you're going to charlotte? you have to go to 'phil's' on main and get the #5 and an eclair...it's a little taste of heaven."

and when you ask the concierge at the hotel for his opinion, he agrees 100% (thankful that you didn't ask where capital grille was located) and calls over to let them know you're coming because they're in the same network from back in the day.

or better yet, when you live there you can walk in and say "hey phil, top of the morning to ya" and he gives you your drink and you're on your way...
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now, don't be confused...this doesn't happen in charlotte. that's what i'm trying to say.

and i'm pretty sure my upcoming seattle trip is going to really push the envelope on my patience, but we will see!

wild goose chase

i talked to my friend kat last night for awhile. kat & i were friends in college, but not "close" friends. we had mutual "close" friends, but we really (for no particular reason) didn't spend a lot of exclusive time together.

since graduating college, we have become closer and have recently decided that we want to try to meet each other halfway between where we live as often as possible for dinner, to catch up with one another. we did this last month and it was SO awesome just to chat and be encouraged.

we were supposed to meet tomorrow night for dinner, but we both agreed that it just isn't happening this week...she's got a major change of life plans coming her way and me with my bridesmaiding this weekend.

we did talk on the phone for a bit last night, and it seems the theme of the conversation was how thankful we are for the fact that God so graciously didn't allow our lives to turn out the way we planned them...the fact that He would actually rip us from the plans we dug our nails so tightly into, convincing ourselves that what we thought was best.

(we, of course, were talking about relationships)

this morning i was reminded of how that has also happened in my career (if you can call it that) path. it's funny, because sometimes i forget that my first job was actually supposed to be with espn regional television. i won't go into the long, sad story, but i didn't end up starting due to their HR error. so i ended up back at campbell working for admissions, and although sometimes i certainly question why that part of my life happened, i can see parts of why that happened. then when i began looking for new jobs, i almost accepted a position with "taste of charlotte" (which is why i was reminded this morning...the festival is this weekend - http://www.tasteofcharlotte.com/) but for a few reasons, didn't feel comfortable accepting the job with such a small company and thus, ended up where i am, working for newell rubbermaid in a pretty wonderful position.

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all that to say that throughout my life, the hardest thing for me has been to make big decisions - how long to stay in one place, when to say 'enough is enough' in a relationship or job that isn't quite where it should be, which dreams to chase and how to measure the motive behind those dreams, if suppressing some of my talents to take a job that i need is settling for the 'good' instead of the 'great.'

i have started thinking about this again lately, trying to focus on the things that i DO have in my life...number one being a job...and trying to figure out where to go from here.

ideally, i would go back to school full-time and get a masters ("in what?" is another question...). unfortunately, these decisions are not that easy due simply to the fact that my medical bills cost a fortune and i don't really have the option to just pick up and go where my heart wanders.

my other option being work and get my masters...or just work and try to get myself where i want to go.

and i guess the hardest question holding me back from making any sort of plan is what in the world do i want to do? a loaded question. sometimes i feel like the easier question might be "what DON'T i want to do?"

a quick laundry list of things i've considered doing with my life:

• tv news anchor
• life coach
• marriage & family counselor
• addictions counselor
• student affairs in higher ed
• concert coordinator/something in the music industry*
• high school teacher**
• writer (nonfiction, but not self-help)
• speech writer
• "motivational" speaker
• President of the US of A

and more recently...

• human resources
• channel marketing
• advertising (for Sharpie!)
• coffee shop or wine bar owner (ha!)
• floral designer (what?!? michelle nurturing plants??)
• sports anchor
• still something in the music industry*
• still, a teacher**

the biggest conclusion i take from this is that the things that make me most excited are the ones with the biggest learning curves and i'm really okay with that. i think i feel as if i'm getting dumber by the day and i don't like that.

so, any thoughts on this from my wonderfully wise friends? maybe i should just take a vote from these lists and make my decision based on the people's concensus.

(and don't even vote for "President" because we all know how well that seems to work for me...and if i had to guess, campbell and america might actually be similar battles during the election process and thereafter...)

and that, my friends, deserves a photo.

pendulum swing

although i know that growing up in a Christian home and never really having 'veered off the path' is a more positive than negative thing (for SURE) in my life, i can see where certain aspects of the Christian culture i've been surrounded by have greatly shaped my outlook on my own life, particularly trying to live a Christian life.

i realize that more and more, especially now that i live outside of the "bubble" i was in for 6 years, (and all the years before that) and it is quite overwhelming most of the time. i find myself inside my head all the time, unable to verbalize all the things that swirl around in my brain because everything i've ever thought about life is being challenged from all angles. i also find myself in constant guilt over even small aspects of my life where i feel like i'm just not living up to my own or other's expectations of what my Christian walk should look like right now.

but someone please tell me...what exactly should my Christian walk look like right now?

the other confusing thing about this constant struggle for any sort of clarity in my life is that any Christian to whom i might pose the question above would answer it differently. (and that doesn't help with the clarity issue)

i've also thought lately about how satan probably very much enjoys his stronghold on my mind -- keeping me so focused on myself and what i'm doing or not doing that i don't have any time or energy left to do anything beneficial for anyone else, especially unbelievers. i wonder what Jesus would say to me...most likely not "michelle, you need to complete the following list of things each day to be a good Christian..." or "here's what a Christian looks like:" followed by a bulleted list of things Christians do and things Christians do not do each day.

i was reading "searching for God knows what" yesterday and definitely have to agree with donald miller's point on Christianity and our logical lists of what identifies a Christian, so that we can make ourselves feel better when we have accomplished said list. it's somewhat mechanical when you think about it. and i think that is what has caused this unrest in my soul - i so fear becoming a Christian robot that i'm having a hard time deciding what a real "Christian in an unChristian world" looks like, at the same time realizing that God spits the likewarm out of his mouth.

does this make any sense to anyone else but me?

(i hope that it does because sometimes i fear i have lost my mind already. and at such a young age. what a shame.)

but i refuse to sit here and make lists of what a 24-almost-25-year-old Christian female looks like! married, single, in a serious relationship, engaged, working for a huge money-centered corporation, working for billy graham, barely making your rent, owning a beautiful townhouse, raising children, having a hard time raising gerbera daisies!!! (guess who that is.)

i don't know if any of it plays a factor in anything or why each of us is where we are in life! but i don't think i can handle another formula on how to live a Christian life, like the Bible is a self-help book when it is actually the story of the Creator of the Universe that we are lucky enough to get to know personally.

(breathe.)

maybe this shouldn't be a public blog. my head is spinning.

from my heart flow...

tina and i went to see natasha bedingfield on wednesday night and i can honestly say it was amazing. luckily, we saw her in a very small venue and her voice is phenomenal!

if you don't know (her), now you know.

read me-linda's blog. she's one of the most intelligent people i've ever met, not to mention incredibly sincere, compassionate and loving. lucky for me, i got to spend a year of my life in the same house with her!
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i've been pretty overwhelmed lately with a lot of things and i can't even begin to explain that right now. i will say that i have realized recently that most of the people i REALLY admire in my life are those who usually sit back and take it all in, most of the time listening to others and just basically soaking in the wisdom. maybe it's because i feel like they are so different from me that i admire them, but i think it's honestly because of the genuineness that pours from their patience and interestedness in other people's lives. so, i am trying to be a better listener and understander (if that was a word).

one thing is for certain, life is a never-ending balancing act. more on that later...

oh american idol, you've done me in again.

my girl went home last night.

as usual, it was emotional. i knew she was going, she knew she was going and honestly, i guess she needed to go if we're talking about voting for the person who sounds the most modern and can change it up every week to keep interest.

but i certainly want her cd. & i'd really like to be her best friend!

honestly, she's just the cutest thing ever and she wears her heart on her sleeve.

so, hats off to brooke white.





















i mean, seriously, who wouldn't love her??

now the support goes to david cook. well, it's been there since the beginning. freakin' a-mazing.

mi casa es su casa

i wanted to post some photos of the new apt, since i know some of you wanted to see it and have not made it down to the QC yet...

the files are huge and there are many of them, so you can go to this link and click on my album to view them: http://www.flickr.com/photos/26144672@N07/

i didn't add my bedroom to the photos yet because it looks like a tornado went through it from traveling so much recently...i hope to add a few tomorrow!

new camera!

i got a new camera yesterday which will hopefully add an incredible amount of happiness to my life - the Canon PowerShot A720!

tomorrow i will post some new pics of my apartment for those of you who have never seen it before, as well as the wonderful daisies i decided to start growing on my porch! :)

if you're on flickr, my name is michelle.ma.belle so add me as a contact! i will also be on snapfish, but i don't know much about that yet.

i don't care WHO you are...

ladies, you can't tell me you don't love this song. most guys probably do too. they would probably say "it's aight" but they are secretly jealous of these dashing good looks and amazing pipes. okay, maybe not.

http://michaelbuble.com/lostvideo

seriously, this is one of those corny songs that a girl like me wants to write off and say "this is what makes us overemotional and crazy because it's not real" but again, this must be my week of surrender. this does me in.

we all know i am a michael buble lover, but if you saw this man in concert, you would swoon too.

6 hour drive of happiness!

i'm going to see lick and nindsay this weekend in virginia for her birthdaaaay!

and thank goodness zack burger lives there too. so i have a date on friday!!

to get ready for this wonderful weekend, i will try to remember how to put pictures on the blog (i'm sure it's much simpler than the way i manually used to put them in html-style)...

me, lindsay and katie at our first spring fling :)

linds and i two nights before her wedding! i think we definitely grew up together over those 5 years!


YIPPEE!!

(yes, this "add image" button makes things quite simple.)

a few [mixed up] thoughts from this restless mind of mine...

i feel like i am losing my ability to think critically. sure, this may be a good thing in some ways, but i tend to get nervous about the fact that much of my day-to-day work is incredibly mindless and repetitive. don't get me wrong - i really love my job and the opportunities that lie ahead of me, but right now i'm wondering how i'd ever make it through another interview and sound like i have motivation and drive, let alone any critical/creative thinking skills. or any wit.

it also doesn't help the situation that i am my own best friend here at good 'ol lake norman and so i talk to myself inside my head all day and night long. maybe i was just spoiled by college and the fact that there were always plenty of good friends around to stimulate my mind with good, intelligent, thought-provoking conversation. maybe i need to read/write blogs more, read the newspaper and strike up a deep, philosophical conversation with the person on the eliptical next to me at the gym? okay, maybe not that far.

it just seems like i am losing my sense-making already, which makes me start thinking i'm old already and losing my mind.

anyway, i'm sure you are dying to read my thoughts after that introduction, but here they are:

• i am having a hard time being a Christian that moved to an unfamiliar area and took an unfamiliar job. i knew this was coming, so i don't know why it surprises me, but i have noticed lately that's it's a lot easier for me to be around non-Christians than Christians because with Christians, it feels like i'm walking into a high pressure situation - especially at a singles group (which i almost refuse to be a part of at this point b/c of my own bias). the thing is, you can almost guess what most non-Christians are like - what they do, what they don't do, what they care about, etc. but there are SO many different types (is that the right word?) of Christians that it's hard to guess what they do/don't do, what they believe/don't believe, what would shock them, what would make them laugh, whether or not they would go have a beer with you at happy hour or if they would rather be chatting it up at starbucks. or if they even leave the house on the weekends.
• i am also having a hard time with this "one day at a time" concept that i struggle so consistently with. i know that today (4/22/08), i, michelle efird, have a job, some work friends to cook dinner for and that i will probably go to the gym tonight. i also realize that i live by myself and don't have a boyfriend or even a potential date so i don't know why i constantly wish for that to change and that this part of my life would be over and done with. i know that's a desire of my heart, but i also know that i should probably enjoy this season of my life and also that it could change in an instant and never be the same - why is this such a drive for me? it really hasn't been that way for a long time, so to my independent self, it's almost like admitting defeat to say these things. ahh, well. i wave the white flag.
• i just feel like things in my life have no rhyme or reason right now. because i feel this way, i have almost been forcing myself into things that might provide "rhyme or reason" including, but not limited to, working with the arthritis foundation, working here and there with the youth group at the church i've been going to, attending small group, etc. none of these things have actually kept me interested and i finally decided last week that i don't have to force myself to do things because i feel like i should. if my heart isn't there, that's just how it is. i have actually run across younglife in this area, which is something that definitely sparked my interest, so i'm hoping that i might become involved there as well as the children's hospital uptown.
• help. anyone, help. i need sensible, inspiring people to talk to about life, so i'm going to have to settle for reading it on blog comments.

i want you to know that i miss you if you don't live near me or if i don't talk to you often. life is so interesting and things change so quickly - it's amazing how quickly you can lose touch with someone that you used to know like the back of your hand. that certainly doesn't mean you don't care, and it doesn't mean that when you hear something wonderful or sad about the goings-on in their lives, you don't feel the same emotions that they do. some people you're just connected to. some people you just "get."

do what you feel!

i started private dance lessons yesterday. i learned rumba, salsa and swing.

lesson for the day, mentioned to me by a friend:

"if you post that you want to do something on your facebook for more than a year, you need to just do it."

'tis true!

i want to sing in a band. not a "we actually want to make it" band, but a band that just likes to sing/play and maybe sings as a favor here and there and gets paid gas money.

i'm not a phenomenal singer, so i've never actually voiced the fact that i want to sing out loud with people watching, but it's true.

anyone want to start a makeshift band with me that lives in my area? (ha.)